Many people believe that divorce attorneys are extremely jaded when it comes to love and marriage and that they’d just as soon see your marriage end – as a means of keeping business lively. However, this perception is very far from reality.
While it’s true that, as divorce attorneys, we’ve seen a lot, and a lot of it isn’t particularly pretty, we also value the strength of the bond that keeps married couples together and never cease to be amazed by its resilience. Yes, divorce happens, but marriage is a relationship like any other, which means it requires work, and some marriages make it while others do not.
If you have questions or concerns about divorce, there is no better place to begin than consulting with an experienced Killeen divorce attorney.
Most Divorce Attorneys Don’t Buy into the Gloom and Doom
It’s very difficult to separate meaningful divorce statistics from less important ones. People will tell you that half of all marriages end in divorce, but this isn’t exactly true.
The bottom line is that far more people marry in any given year than divorce. Forbes shares that, in a recent year, 1,985,072 couples married, and 689,308 couples divorced, which is about a 35 percent divorce rate for that year. While this doesn’t tell the whole story, it helps weaken the notion that marriage is nothing more than a crapshoot.
It’s also important to note that divorce rates have steadily decreased since 2000. In other words, many marriages both survive and thrive, and there is no reason that yours can’t be one of them.
Social Media Doesn’t Help Things
Social media inundates us with picture-perfect marriages that don’t actually exist. Our lives are not edited and airbrushed, and neither are our relationships. Comparing your marriage to the curated images you see on social media can leave you feeling lacking, but it can help to recognize that life is messy, which is what makes it so rewarding and meaningful.
Social Media Streamlines Cheating
While cheating is nothing new when it comes to marriages, social media has made infidelity more accessible than ever before. Are you wondering about your high school crush? He or she is just a DM away – and what starts out innocently enough can quickly blossom into something far less wholesome.
The immediacy of social media removes the buffer that stops many people from taking things too far. This said, if you or your spouse is willing to cheat, there are marital concerns that go deeper than social media that should be addressed.
Cheating Doesn’t Have to End a Marriage
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and cheating isn’t the fatal blow that many people think it is. In fact, financial issues tend to pack a bigger punch. Many potential clients who consult with divorce attorneys because of a cheating spouse end up resolving their issues and focusing on strengthening their marriages.
Divorce Does Not Necessarily Translate to Loss of Love
By the time clients meet with divorce attorneys, some are quite calculating – generally because they have to be. Others are distraught. In the end, marriages tend to be based on love, which is an incredibly strong emotion. When a marriage ends for any reason, the love the spouses feel for each other doesn’t magically disappear, which can be a difficult challenge.
Marriages end for myriad reasons, but falling out of love is rarely the primary cause. In other words, love and divorce can coexist. As divorce attorneys, we tend to see themes when it comes to why marriages end.
Inability to Get Along
Living together is challenging, and some people are willing to put more effort into it than others. When this balancing act tips in the wrong direction, some people want out while others are prepared to fight for their marriages. How effectively an individual handles conflict is a primary indication of how likely his or her marriage is to last.
Our homes and our primary relationships are meant to provide us with shelter from the storm, and when this doesn’t happen, divorce is often the best option. However, married couples can learn coping mechanisms that allow them to overcome a considerable amount of conflict.
Financial Problems
The more a couple earns, the higher their standard of living tends to be – and the more difficult it can be to keep up. In other words, financial issues affect married couples at every economic level.
When spouses share similar financial outlooks, they’re better able to take on the financial concerns that almost inevitably come their way together. This partnership helps the couple financially and strengthens a wide range of factors that correlate with healthy relationships, such as communication, intimacy, teamwork, commitment, and more.
Financial concerns are more comprehensive than simply deciding how to save, invest, and spend. The following matters can also lead to financial upsets:
One of you staying at home with the children while they’re young
One of you advancing your career by taking on more responsibilities at work but spending less time at home as a result
One of you going back to school
The financial ins and outs of running a family and home are complex, and finding balance is key.
Lack of Mutual Commitment
Maturity plays a significant role in the strength of a marriage, and maturity fosters commitment. A married couple is a team, and while no exact formula ensures the team will work, there needs to be give and take. Marriage isn’t a competition, but when one spouse is far less committed to making it work than the other, it weakens the bond.
The Erosion of Intimacy
The foundation of marriage is physical and emotional intimacy, and while the stressors we’re bombarded with on a daily basis can erode intimacy, they can also bring couples closer together. Any of the following factors can be barriers to intimacy:
A breakdown in communication
Loneliness
Depression and anxiety
Issues with self-esteem
Couples who support one another through their emotional setbacks and focus on rooting out the underlying problems they encounter are far better prepared to stay the course.
Sometimes, all it takes is the willingness to explore available resources, such as couples counseling, individual therapy, and beyond. In addition, recommitting to sharing good times – the way you did when you fell in love – can go a long way toward rekindling intimacy.
Failure to Communicate
For any relationship to work, effective communication is required, and this is never truer than when the relationship is a marriage. Married couples are busy, and communication can break down over time. Often, this separation is a matter of logistics – kids, careers, and busy schedules make the heart-to-heart conversations you had at the beginning more difficult to come by.
Those couples who find ways to keep the lines of communication open in spite of their busy schedules are better prepared to face the challenges that often precipitate divorce. This strength can serve as a buffer that helps them keep divorce at a greater distance.
Communication is about expressing yourself clearly and really listening to what your partner has to say. When both spouses are able to master both elements of effective communication, it can strengthen their marriage significantly.
Values that Collide
We all have our own values and beliefs with an overlay of culture, race, nationality, and political affiliation. Married couples don’t have to share the same values, but they do need to find effective means of bridging the divide when their values collide. Some couples are good at respecting each other’s beliefs even when they don’t share them, but others struggle to let differences go.
If you and your spouse shared the same values and beliefs when you married, but since then, your belief systems have evolved, it can be even more challenging than if you started off on different pages. Ultimately, adopting a live-and-let-live attitude tends to serve married couples very well.
Unrealistic Expectations
We tend to go into marriage with starry-eyed visions of living in perfect harmony forever – when marriage simply can’t offer this. The younger the couple, the more likely unrealistic expectations are to be a problem.
Couples who temper their expectations over time put in the hard work required to keep their relationships strong, and spouses who refuse to let go of their storybook ideals are generally in for bitter disappointment that can quickly erode their marriage.
Couples Who Take Pleasure in One Another’s Wins Are Strong Couples
Those couples who take joy in one another’s triumphs and pleasure are strong couples. Spouses don’t have to share the same interests, goals, or pursuits to be happy for one another. Caring about your spouse’s happiness – without contrasting and comparing it to your own – can strengthen your marriage beyond your expectations.
Seeing and appreciating one another for the separate, unique people you are helps set healthy boundaries and bolster your connection.
A Divorce Attorney Weighs in on Relationship Red Flags
As divorce attorneys, we recognize that some marriages won’t make it, but there is no crystal ball on the matter. Marriages that on paper should work sometimes fail, and marriages that don’t seem to have a chance sometimes thrive. Nevertheless, there are red flags that divorce attorneys tend to pay attention to:
When one spouse is dismissive of the other
When one spouse is secretive and hides things from the other
When one spouse doesn’t support the other’s interests – or actively sabotages him or her
When one spouse is emotionally withholding toward the other
When one spouse encourages the other to doubt the strength of their marriage
When one spouse habitually criticizes the other
When one spouse isn’t comfortable being himself or herself around the other
While couples can overcome red flags like these, they are indicative of deep fissures in the relationship. If one of these red flags becomes unsurmountable, it may be time to discuss your situation with a compassionate Killeen divorce attorney.
Saving Your Marriage
It may surprise you to know that divorce attorneys spend a considerable amount of time pondering how couples can save their marriages – and they have a keen perspective on the matter. Some of the best advice includes the following guidance:
Taking marriage seriously from the start is paramount – it’s a serious legal commitment.
Share your expectations with your spouse up front and revisit these expectations as you move forward – but do so in the context of who your spouse is. If your expectations and your spouse don’t align going into the marriage, they’re unlikely to align later.
People generally don’t change – you’re thinking about divorcing the same person you married.
There is no winner or loser in divorce, which can help put a much better perspective on the issue.
When you know what you’re fighting for in your marriage and, consequently, what you don’t want to lose, you’ll be better prepared to save your marriage if you do run into trouble.
An Experienced Killeen Divorce Attorney Can Help
Divorce attorneys have reserves of experience helping clients navigate the divorce process, and with this experience comes a considerable amount of knowledge about what it takes to keep a marriage strong.
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard in Killeen, Texas, is a compassionate divorce attorney who recognizes that you may not be sure about divorce and has the insight to help you better understand where you’re at and what your best options are, which could mean focusing on saving your marriage rather than on divorce.
We are on your side and here to help you – whatever that means in your unique situation – and we encourage you to reach out for more information by contacting us online or calling us at (254) 781-4222 to schedule your FREE consultation today.