We’ve all heard the sobering statistics about divorce, and while the old adage that half of all marriages end in divorce isn’t carved in stone, there is no denying that divorce is exceptionally common. Many people facing divorce don’t see it coming until it rears its ugly head, but knowing the most common causes of divorce may help you better understand your own case.
Because divorce puts your parental and financial rights on the line, you shouldn’t wait to reach out for the skilled legal representation of an experienced Killeen divorce attorney.
Lack of Commitment
A marriage is a relationship, and relationships need tending. You don’t ignore your friends and expect to grow closer to them in the process – or even for the friendships to last at all. However, too many people fail to go all in when it comes to their marriages.
This doesn’t mean spending every minute together for the rest of your lives, but you should both have a serious commitment to making your relationship work – whatever that means for you as a married couple.
Some couples are perfectly happy to pursue their own interests – even as they present a united front in response to the hardships they face and the joys they experience. Being committed to one another and to the marriage doesn’t look the same for every couple. For a marriage to work, each spouse must recognize and trust the other’s commitment to the relationship.
If you are doing all the heavy lifting in your marriage, it can leave you feeling alone, exhausted, and hurt. When these feelings fester, it can set the stage for divorce. Sometimes, however, the lack of commitment one spouse sees in the other has more to do with communication styles or their spouse’s failure to read the relationship accurately.
Marriage counseling is very effective at helping couples who are drifting apart in this way come back together and galvanize their efforts to build strong relationships.
If, on the other hand, your spouse’s lack of commitment to your marriage and to you is palpable and your efforts to change this fact fall on deaf ears, it may be time to consider your options. You deserve a fulfilling relationship that leaves you feeling valued.
Infidelity
Infidelity flies in the face of everything marriage stands for, and while many couples can’t find their way back after an infidelity has occurred, others do – and they often find that their marriages are all the stronger for it. Every case of infidelity is unique to the unique situation at hand.
For example, some people simply never get the hang of monogamy, and if this is a deal breaker for their spouses, their marriages don’t stand much of a chance. In other situations, however, the cheating can be a symptom of other pressures or problems, such as:
A loss of self-esteem, such as in relation to a job loss or anything else
Built-up anger and resentment that the cheating spouse can’t effectively address within the marriage
An act of retaliation against a perceived slight in the marriage
Fear or anxiety in relation to aging
A reaction to the weight of responsibility that comes from having a child
Alcohol or drug addiction
This list could go on and on. While infidelity is the root cause of many – if not most – divorces, it’s often symptomatic of issues that are systemic to the relationship itself, but that can be effectively addressed.
Some of the primary issues that most couples face after infidelity include all the following:
Rebuilding trust
Learning to forgive
Finding their way back to one another
Each of these can prove exceptionally difficult, but if you’re committed to saving your marriage, you should allow yourself the space and care you need to address each on your own terms and in your own way.
Some people draw a hard line when it comes to cheating and head directly to divorce, while others are more inclined to root out the underlying issues and address them head-on. Only you know what the right answer for you is in response to infidelity.
If marriage counseling doesn’t save your marriage – it might afford you the clarity you need to move forward with purpose. While this could mean strengthening your marriage, it may not, but either way, you’ll have your answer.
High Conflict
Every married couple argues from time to time, and when this isn’t the case, there might be more going on than you realize. Marriage requires a lot of give and take, and when you factor in all the following, it’s not surprising that conflict arises:
Living together day in and day out
Raising a family
Running a home
Making decisions together that range from the very important to the very mundane
Cultivating separate careers
Handling financial setbacks and health concerns
Doing everything else that is part and parcel with marriage
The bottom line is that being in a marriage can generate a considerable amount of pressure, and squabbles are a common escape valve.
If your marriage gets to the point where all you do is quarrel, it can wear you both down and erode your relationship. If you’re to the point that, whenever either one of you speaks, you’re angling for a fight, the matter is that much more serious.
An important point to remember when it comes to conflict is that it is a natural byproduct of every relationship, and some people are better equipped to handle it than others. This doesn’t mean that you and your spouse can’t improve your ability to effectively navigate and minimize conflict in your relationship. A skilled marriage counselor can help.
Financial Problems
Financial problems are a biggie when it comes to divorce, and they don’t always stem from having too little money. In fact, married couples with high assets face their fair share of financial conflict. Often, financial complaints arise from one – or both spouses – thinking the other doesn’t pull their own weight in terms of financial responsibility.
Even when a couple is in total agreement about one spouse being the breadwinner while the other tends to the home and the children, which doesn’t generate income, it can lead to resentments down the road. This financial discrepancy can also foster a power struggle in which the wage earner feels more entitled, and the stay-at-home parent feels less.
When a couple has plenty of money, issues regarding how best to spend it are not uncommon. And when a couple is barely scraping by, the stress of attempting to make ends meet can eat away at the marriage. Those couples who fall somewhere in the middle face their own brand of financial concerns. In fact, money is a common pain point across nearly all marriages.
Many people have an emotional reaction to money and have difficulty not having total control over their finances, which can make the situation even more challenging. Many couples are able to strike a balance in relation to their financial styles, but for those who can’t, it can evolve into a serious problem that sets the stage for divorce.
Serious Health Concerns
Our marriage vows generally include the phrase in sickness and in health, but your marriage can take a serious hit in the face of a significant health concern – whether it’s yours or your spouse’s. When one spouse suffers a serious illness, it can spiral into seemingly countless issues in the marriage.
For example, the illness may halt the sufferer in their tracks – leaving them unable to move through their life and their relationship the way they once did. This can lead to both spouses experiencing a considerable divide that supports loneliness, isolation, and even resentment.
The fact that medical concerns go hand in hand with financial upsets doesn’t help the matter.
The sick spouse may be unable to work, which translates to lost earnings, and medical bills can add up quickly. Further, the healthy spouse will likely have to take on most of the responsibilities around the home while attempting to make up for the lost income experienced.
Finally, the spouse who is ill can feel a profound lack of support, which can set the marriage up for an endless loop of strained feelings. Never underestimate the effect a health condition can have on a marriage. While some couples come together and fortify their relationships in the face of serious illness, others’ marriages don’t make it.
Strained Relationships with Extended Family Members
Some families adopt a the-more-the-merrier approach to in-laws, while other families have a more difficult time welcoming outsiders into the fold. Stress and strife between members of either spouse’s extended family members can be very problematic. If either side’s family disparages the union, it can have terrible consequences for the marriage.
Without the love and support of each spouse’s family, your marriage can be on shaky ground from the start. While such situations can be overcome, it may require a considerable amount of effort and can leave the spouse who isn’t well received feeling left out.
When spouses are able to present a united front in the face of such treatment, it can make a significant difference in the quality of their marriage.
While it’s hard to accept that someone else can derail your marriage, the fact is that many divorces are predicated on in-laws who do what they can to cause these relationships to end. If your spouse isn’t willing to take a strong stand, which can be very difficult when it comes to their family of origin – the path forward can be rocky at best.
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence can rip a marriage apart faster than nearly anything else. Too often, however, victims stay in their marriages for reasons that stem from the abuse itself. Consider all the following:
Victims often stay in response to financial concerns about supporting themselves.
Victims often stay in response to concerns about supporting their children outside of the home environment they’ve built with their abuser.
Victims often stay out of abject fear of their abuser and the anger that leaving would arouse in them.
Victims often stay as a means of keeping the peace – in an effort to avoid further abuse.
Victims often stay because the abuse leaves them unable to strategize a safe path forward.
When divorce is based on domestic violence, it is extremely important to proceed with caution because you’re never more vulnerable to your spouse’s rath than when you’re attempting to leave.
While some domestic abusers are able to change and halt their abuse, they have to be highly motivated to do so. The bottom line is that you and your children’s safety is too important to take a chance. If you’ve gotten to the point where you believe divorce is the only answer, don’t wait to see if things get better.
Your compassionate divorce attorney can help connect you with the resources you need to stay safe throughout this very difficult transition, which may require some fairly drastic steps to help ensure everyone’s safety.
Consult with an Experienced Killeen Divorce Attorney Today
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is a trusted Killeen divorce attorney who understands just how difficult pursuing a divorce is and is well prepared to employ the full force of his imposing experience in pursuit of your case’s most favorable resolution.
To learn more about what we can do to help you, please don’t hesitate to contact or call us at 254-781-4222 to schedule a free consultation today.