After a decade or two of marriage, many couples feel like they managed to crack the code and, as a result, beat the odds when it comes to divorce. However, the number of couples divorcing after long marriages is on the rise, and the phenomenon has been associated with a specific constellation of concerns.
If you’ve come to the difficult decision that you need a divorce after many years of marriage, it’s important to know that the legal challenges you face can be that much more difficult and that you need a dedicated Round Rock divorce attorney with a wealth of experience successfully handling these uniquely complex cases on your side.
Financial Concerns
After many years of marriage, you may think that you should have your financial affairs figured out, but life is full of surprises.
The truth is that more people are putting off retirement due to shifts in the economy and financial setbacks, and the fact that you’ve made it through many years of marriage doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re immune from the financial problems that plague many.
Facing the Financial Facts
In fact, many couples who are in long-term marriages come to the realization that their finances are unlikely to improve if they stay married, and for some, this is an incentive to get out.
Of course, marriage is a primary relationship that affords us much more than the enhanced financial security that comes from combining forces. Some people, however, have very low tolerance when it comes to financial upset, and it can be a deciding factor in divorce.
Considering Financial Responsibilities
There are a range of financial concerns that can crop up in a marriage that has spanned many years. The cost of college has risen precipitously over the last several decades, and as your children near college age, this may mean needing to contribute more to their education.
As we near retirement age, we generally expect our expenses to decrease, but that isn’t the reality for many of us – and it can weigh on a marriage.
Evaluating the Effect of Financial Problems
There is no mechanism for determining exactly how much impact financial concerns have on divorce in Texas or the nation at large—much less the exact role they play in divorces that stem from long-term marriages. Nevertheless, a wide range of studies makes it clear that the impact of financial problems on marriages across the board is difficult to overstate.
To make things that much harder for those in long-term marriages, there are specific financial factors that can work against them. When a couple is just starting out, they have plenty to look forward to, and a primary part of this is developing financial security. Those couples who never make it that far, which isn’t particularly uncommon, can lose interest in continuing to try.
A Breakdown in Communication
Communication is something of a buzzword when it comes to relationships in general and to marriages in specific – as well as in business relationships and every other venue where people connect.
Successful communication can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but when a couple finds that they’re no longer able to communicate at the same level with one another that they once did – whether verbally or nonverbally – it can be a difficult blow to their marriage.
Identifying the Problem
When couples grow closer over the years, their marriages tend to thrive, and this closeness is generally a symbol of having established effective means of communicating with one another. Once a couple is 10 or more years into their marriage and they find that their ability to connect has peaked, it can be a real eye-opener.
Addressing Additional Stressors
With the passage of time, the challenges we face can pile up, and when our partners are there for us – which could mean simply listening to us and making us feel heard – it can make all the difference. If they’re no longer interested in listening, however, it can be very lonely.
As time goes by, complications arise related to launching children, caring for aging parents, addressing our own health concerns, coping with job-related issues, and much more. If your marriage is built on a solid foundation of effective communication, it can build you up and make you stronger—but if it’s not, thoughts of divorce may not be far behind.
A Loss of Intimacy
Intimacy is what makes relationships special—whether that means best friends, romantic partners, or married couples with many years of marriage behind them.
Intimacy refers to the communication shortcuts that people who form close relationships tend to share, such as accessing the catalog of experiences that make their relationship so special.
Intimacy has a way of forming a forcefield around couples, and it can work wonders.
Some married couples lose that spark of intimacy over time. Life can get in the way, and intimacy can erode over time. Once that protective shield begins to crumble, it can be difficult to get it back—especially if both aren’t fully committed to the process. When a lack of intimacy is combined with any of the other issues couples in long-term marriages are vulnerable to, it can push things over the edge.
Infidelity
Infidelity is a stark betrayal, and when it happens later in a marriage, it can be very difficult to overcome. Once you’ve poured your heart and soul into nurturing a long and happy marriage, accepting the fact that your life partner cheated can be a bridge too far.
While some couples come back from infidelity stronger than ever, others decidedly do not. Some spouses who have been betrayed in this uniquely painful manner are not the least bit interested in cobbling things back together.
Infidelity doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but it does have a way of shaking up a marriage – especially one that’s been chugging along for many years. If this is the difficult situation you find yourself in, you and your spouse will both need to be very motivated in order to move beyond this blatant abuse of trust.
Diminishing Trust
A spouse doesn’t have to be unfaithful for their partner to experience a loss of trust in them. All rewarding relationships require trust, but marriage is based on a bond of trust. You and your spouse are in it together, and in order to enjoy the ride with one another, you need to trust each other.
If there are fissures in your foundation as a couple, they can manifest in many different ways, but they all serve the purpose of eroding your relationship.
The trust that married couples share serves as a barrier to outside forces that could prove harmful. We tend to think of married couples as a single unit, and this is based on their one for all and all for one attitude towards each other.
If you’re at the point that it’s every person for themself, your marriage is suffering from a lack of trust, and you are far more vulnerable to divorce.
Being at Cross-Purposes in Terms of Long-Term Goals
In the early years of your marriage, your future was a long way off, and you may not have dwelled much on your long-term goals and the degree to which they aligned. However, as you march closer to major transitions in life, such as becoming empty nesters and entering retirement, these differences in outlook can play a more significant role.
If your goals have diverged over the years or if you’re just coming to the realization that there’s a serious discrepancy between what you want and what your spouse wants, it can sow seeds of doubt. The good news is that having diverse interests has the potential to strengthen your relationship, and you don’t have to do everything together in order to be a happy couple.
In fact, this could be your opportunity to make the most of the next chapter – both separately and together.
If, however, your spouse is committed to pulling up stakes and traveling the country in an RV for the next decade while you are not interested in leaving your grandchildren for more than a weekend, you’ve got a bigger problem on your hands. And if compromise isn’t in the cards, your marriage could suffer.
Considering the Terms of Your Divorce
Negotiating the terms of divorce after a marriage of many years tends to be very complicated, and focusing on your financial rights and parental rights – if you still have children at home – is key.
The Division of Marital Property
If you’ve been married for a considerable chunk of time, you may have considerably more assets than you did early on, and your finances are likely to be more complicated.
In Texas, everything you, your spouse, or the two of you together came to own while you were married is considered marital, and it will need to be divided between the two of you fairly – in relation to the circumstances that apply – upon divorce.
Separate property refers to those assets that either of you owned prior to marriage and that you kept separate throughout. These remain the property of the original owner, but it’s important to keep in mind that there are far more opportunities for separate and marital assets to become commingled over a long marriage, and this can wear away at the line that divides them.
Child Custody Arrangements
Even if you’ve been married for 15 or more years, you could still easily have minor children at home, which means you’ll need to address child custody in your divorce. Texas divides child custody into legal and physical custody. Legal custody sets up primary decision-making authority about important matters like the following:
Your children’s healthcare
Your children’s education
Your children’s religious upbringing
Your children’s participation in extracurricular activities and travel
Physical custody, on the other hand, determines your parenting time schedule. Texas courts are motivated by what’s best for the children involved, and this generally means that both parents can expect to receive a generous schedule with the kids.
The matter of who will remain in the family home in the primary custodial role, however, could become a sticking point after a long-term marriage.
Child Support
Child support is calculated according to strict state guidelines. Generally, the parent who earns more has the child support obligation—even when child custody is shared fairly evenly. Child custody is calculated as a percentage of the paying parent’s net income and is based on the number of children addressed in the order.
Alimony
Alimony is reserved for specific circumstances in the State of Texas, but divorce after many years can qualify – especially if one spouse put their own career on hold in order to care for the children and home while allowing the other to increase their earning power.
In order for alimony to apply, the recipient must have been left without the resources to cover their own reasonable needs while the other has the financial means to help.
In Texas, alimony is usually not awarded unless the marriage lasted at least 10 years, which means a divorce after many years of marriage could qualify. The duration of alimony is also calculated in accordance with the length of the marriage, which makes it more relevant to cases involving long unions.
Reach Out to an Experienced Round Rock Divorce Lawyer Today
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is a practiced Round Rock divorce attorney who understands how challenging the divorce process can be after many years of marriage and is committed to guiding you effectively and efficiently forward toward advantageous terms and a brighter future.
Learn more by contacting or calling us at 254-781-4222 and scheduling a free consultation today.