Updated on October 31, 2024
Divorce is plenty complicated on its own, but getting divorced after many years of marriage – often called gray divorce – tends to be even more difficult. With higher assets, more pressing retirement concerns, and deeper financial entanglements, you can expect challenges to arise.
If you are facing a gray divorce, seek the professional legal counsel of an experienced Killeen divorce attorney today.
The Staggering Statistics
Gray divorce refers to divorcing couples who are 50 and older and who have typically been married for many years, which makes their breakup that much more shocking. Psychology Today shares several statistics and trends that highlight exactly how prevalent gray divorce has become:
Although divorce rates for younger age groups have decreased, the divorce rate for those over 50 is reaching record highs.
The number of divorces for people over the age of 50 has more than doubled since 1990.
The percentage of divorces that involved couples who were at least 50 years old in 1990 was a mere 8.7, but that percentage soared to 36 by 2019 and has been holding steady.
One contributing factor to the gray divorce phenomenon is a growing willingness to address relationship issues for couples who no longer have children at home.
Gray divorce rates are expected to triple by 2030
The American Association of Retired Persons first used the term gray divorce in a 2012 study that found divorce rates for Americans over the age of 50 had doubled over the prior 20 years and had more than doubled for those over the age of 65. It is safe to say that gray divorce is on the rise across the nation.
What Is Behind the Shift?
While there is no one factor responsible for the rising number of gray divorces, there are a variety of societal shifts that are believed to contribute:
Increased social acceptance of divorce generally
An enhanced focus on self-fulfillment and personal happiness in the 1960s and 70s
Significant increases in life expectancy
Societal attitudes toward marriage as a lifelong commitment in general
The enhanced financial independence of women
Over the years, couples have demonstrated an increased tendency to face their relationship problems and address them head-on. These issues can include any of the following matters:
Financial difficulties or differing financial goals
Lack of shared interests
Lack of emotional fulfillment
Infidelity
Addiction issues
Abuse issues
Aging individuals have come to recognize that there is more to personal fulfillment than simply sticking out marriage. Instead, they are taking the steps necessary to seek individual happiness, which sometimes includes divorce guided by a skilled divorce attorney.
The Happiness Study
The Psychology Today article also touches on what many people call the happiness study, one of the longest studies ever conducted, which followed the lives of two groups of men over more than eight decades.
At the study’s outset, empathy and personal attachment were not relevant concerns, but over time, it became clear that relationships are the primary factor in healthy aging. In other words, while watching your weight and cholesterol are important for your health, so too is fostering meaningful relationships.
By extrapolation, the findings of this study can encourage people to let go of those relationships – including marriages – that no longer qualify as meaningful. There are several primary takeaways from the study that may play a role in the rising number of gray divorces:
Living in a state of conflict, such as in a bad marriage, is bad for one’s overall health.
Social connections promote health, and loneliness can be a killer.
Healthy relationships promote physical health and improved brain functioning.
Rising rates of gray divorce demonstrate that older couples are facing these facts and taking them to heart.
The Signs that a Gray Divorce May Be in Your Future
No two divorces are ever replicas of one another, and the same is true of gray divorces. However, certain circumstances tend to play a larger role in divorces that happen after 50.
If you find yourself considering a divorce, reach out for the compassionate guidance of a seasoned Killeen divorce attorney.
Financial Independence
There is a trend toward greater financial equality between spouses, which means women are more likely to have the financial security necessary to support their independence in a gray divorce. This freedom provides women who are considering divorce as they near retirement age more options and may support the rising number of divorces that happen after the age of 50.
However, women tend to face a more significant financial decline after divorce, which is especially pronounced when they put their careers on hold during marriage.
Increased Expectations
In the past, there was a prevailing “it is what it is” sentiment toward marriage, but over the years, this sentiment has evolved into increased expectations about what a marriage should offer. Most people are looking for relationships between equals who work together as a team, share common goals, and grow together.
The search for meaning in marriage leaves some spouses wanting more, which can help push them outside the boundaries of marriages they may consider empty. The feeling can be even more pronounced once the children grow up and leave home and as life expectancy continues to increase.
Concerns Related to Aging
The stressors that naturally accompany aging can also move the needle in relation to gray divorce. Marriage is stressful to begin with, and when compounded with the following kinds of concerns, it can leave those who don’t feel adequately supported looking for more:
Health concerns
Aging parents who require caregiving
Relationships with adult children, which can include unique complications
Recognition that the marriage isn’t a partnership between equals
The profound effects that retirement can have on a marriage
Additionally, the older you are, the more likely you are to have been married before, which is statistically significant when it comes to a future divorce.
What Could Have Been
It’s difficult to overstate the devastating effects of letting go of what could have been when divorcing after the age of 50. The longer the marriage, the more history you have together, which can make ending things more painful. Even when the relationship isn’t perfect, couples who have been married a long time generally come to rely upon one another in many ways:
As a sounding board
As a shoulder to cry on
As someone to weigh in on important topics
As someone who acts as a buffer in the face of other difficult relationships
A spouse of many years is a symbol of the hopes and dreams you’ve shared over the years and of the plans you made together. Your marriage is your backstory, and letting go of it can be especially jarring – leaving you to begin again without a firm foundation to fall back on.
It’s also important to recognize that gray divorce can bring a profound sense of failure. When you married, you intended for the relationship to last, but it hasn’t, and rising above the inherent sense of failure can be problematic. There can also be a social stigma that’s difficult to overcome.
Further, while you may not be hit with a wall of loneliness upon divorce, the prospect of not meeting someone new can leave you with concerns about whether or not you’ll be alone from here on out. These feelings are not unique to you, but you should know that they needn’t be self-fulfilling prophecies.
The fact that you remained married for many years attests to your ability to go the distance when it comes to relationships, which is the opposite of failing. It also speaks to your ability to forge deep relationships, which will serve you well moving forward.
Divorce Terms for Gray Divorce
Every divorce is unique to the two people involved, but the basic terms that must be resolved are consistent:
Child custody arrangements
Child support
Alimony
With a gray divorce, the couple’s shared children have generally reached adulthood, and the issues of child custody arrangements and child support are no longer a concern. However, the challenges associated with the division of marital assets and alimony can be enhanced. As such, it is always wise to proceed with the help of a savvy Killeen divorce attorney.
Dividing Your Marital Assets
In the State of Texas, those assets and properties that you and your spouse acquired while you are married are deemed marital property – with very few exceptions. It doesn't matter who makes the purchase, whose name is associated with the purchase, or who benefits from the purchase – if you obtained the asset while married, it almost certainly belongs to both of you.
There are a few exceptions to marital property:
Inheritances either of you receives in your name only
Gifts either of you receives in your name only
The pain and suffering portion of personal injury settlements
If you or your spouse brought the property into your marriage with you and kept it disentangled from your marital assets throughout your marriage, these properties will remain your separate property. However, the longer the marriage, the more likely the dividing line between separate property and marital property will become blurry.
Further, any increase in the value of a separate asset during the marriage – such as a retirement account or a business – is treated as marital property.
The Equitable Division of Your Marital Assets
In Texas, marital assets must be divided between both spouses equitably in the event of divorce. Equitably means fairly when a wide range of relevant factors is taken into careful consideration. The following factors tend to make the equitable division of marital property that much more complicated:
High assets
Business ownership
Expansive financial portfolios
Ownership of multiple properties
Entangled separate and marital properties
Each of these issues is far more likely to play a role in gray divorce.
Factors that Affect the Division of Marital Assets in Texas
A variety of important factors can play a role in the division of marital assets in the State of Texas:
The length of the marriage (the longer the marriage, the more complicated the issue in general)
The size of the marital estate (the longer the marriage, the more considerable the marital estate is likely to be)
Each spouse’s contributions to the marriage, including in the form of caring for the children and home
The contributions either spouse made to the other’s career
The tax implications of a proposed division of assets
Whether fault played a role in the marriage’s dissolution
Whether either spouse spent down, gave away, squandered, or otherwise wasted marital assets
Each spouse’s separate assets
Any disparity in earning potential between the spouses
The overall health of each spouse
Any significant age difference between the spouses
Any anticipated future inheritance by either spouse
The legal costs associated with the divorce, which tend to be more significant for gray divorce
Any other factors the court deems relevant in the divorce at hand
Alimony
In Texas, alimony is called spousal maintenance, and it is implemented only in situations in which one spouse faces a divorce-related financial hardship that the other spouse has the financial means to help assuage. Generally, alimony only applies in cases where the marriage lasted at least 10 years.
While many divorces do not involve alimony, gray divorces are more likely to do so.
In recent years, it has become increasingly common for both spouses to work and build their respective careers throughout marriages, fostering each spouse’s earning potential. This balance means that spousal maintenance is less likely in the event of divorce.
However, for older adults, it is far more common for one spouse to have taken care of the children and home while supporting the other’s career advancement, which means he or she is far more likely to require alimony to support himself or herself financially post-divorce.
Further, gray divorce – by definition – means that the alimony recipient is unlikely to have enough years left in the workforce to carve out a career that provides him or her with the financial stability necessary to forego alimony. This consideration means that alimony in gray divorce is more likely to be a long-term matter.
The following factors help determine if alimony is appropriate and, if so, its amount and duration:
The length of the marriage, which tends to be longer and thus more supportive of an alimony award in gray divorce
Each spouse’s financial ability to provide for his or her own needs
The amount of time it would take the alimony recipient to become financially independent, which is often not a relevant issue in gray divorce
Each spouse’s earning potential.
The chances that the recipient of alimony could secure gainful employment
Either spouse’s housekeeping contributions, which tends to be a more relevant issue in gray divorce
Each spouse’s overall physical and mental health
Whether either spouse engaged in spending down or otherwise wasting marital assets
Whether either spouse contributed to the other’s career or earning potential, which is more likely relevant in gray divorce
Whether either spouse engaged in marital misconduct
Each spouse’s separate property
Any other factors the court deems relevant.
Issues Raised Specifically by Gray Divorce
There are a variety of challenging issues that are faced specifically by those going through a gray divorce. If you divorce during your 50s or beyond, all the following additional complications tend to apply:
Your Children
If you and your divorcing spouse share children, they are more likely to have already been launched by the time you reach your 50s, but this doesn’t mean that they won’t be affected.
If your children are finishing up their high school years or are in college, they’re going through plenty of life’s ups and downs, and they count on the unwavering security associated with family and home. If you and your children’s other parent are getting a divorce, however, that sense of security can be badly shaken.
While you’re unlikely to face a child custody battle in a divorce that takes place when you’re in your 50s or older, you shouldn’t discount the emotional toll that divorce can have on your children. Young adults tend to experience a profound sense of loss when their parents divorce, and it can negatively affect their ability to find balance as they move forward in life.
Divorce can also directly affect your ability to continue helping your children out financially, could derail your children’s college plans, and can cast a serious shadow over your family’s future holiday plans. In other words, divorce – regardless of when it happens – will affect your children, which can amplify the emotional pain you experience.
The Emotional Impact of Starting Over
Divorce is one of life’s more difficult transitions, but when it happens earlier on, there are several decades ahead to turn things around, put the divorce behind you, and reinvent yourself – if that’s your plan. In a gray divorce, things can be quite different.
Once you’ve soared into your 50s or beyond, you’re nearing retirement – if you’re not already there – and divorce can leave you with serious financial uncertainty along with a potential about-face in terms of the plans you’ve made for yourself as you head into this phase of life.
Every divorce comes with an immense sense of loss, but a divorce after a marriage of many years can compound the grief experienced. As we age, we tend to become more resistant to change, which can make all the inevitable changes ahead that much more difficult to face.
Decline in Income
With a gray divorce, individuals are generally expected to take a considerable financial hit that tends to be even more significant for women. While men, on average, experience a 21 percent decrease in standard of living post-divorce, the decline for women is 45 percent. In fact, those facing gray divorce cite financial issues and loneliness as their most significant worries.
While younger people who divorce also face financial challenges, they have more working years ahead to rally than older individuals do. In the final analysis, it is more costly to support two homes, which means those facing gray divorce can expect to have less wealth moving forward (with less chance of recouping the loss).
Throughout your marriage, you likely engaged in financial planning in one form or another – both for the immediate future and for long-term goals. However, divorce after a long marriage can throw a wrench into those plans. To begin, each of you will need to address each of the following expenses on your own post-divorce – rather than with your shared finances:
Housing costs
Utilities
Additional living expenses
Insurance and healthcare costs
As we age, our healthcare needs tend to increase – as does the potential that we’ll require additional care, such as in the form of home healthcare or an assisted living or nursing home facility.
A divorce after the age of 50 can seriously disrupt the balance of your financial planning, which makes having a savvy divorce attorney who is well prepared to fiercely advocate for your financial rights critical to your financial future.
Identifying Marital Assets
The division of marital assets has the potential to become the most heated battle in any divorce, but with gray divorce, the issue is often that much more challenging. This tendency is especially true if you are not as involved – or are not involved at all – in your marital finances, which is more common in gray divorce.
Over many years of marriage, you can expect your marital financials to be far more complicated and far more difficult to assess accurately. For example, over many years of building a career, your spouse may earn considerably more than you realize, and it may not all be reflected in his or her pay. Consider the following non-monetary benefits of employment:
Executive compensation packages, which can be considerable
Stock options
Bonuses
Ownership stakes
Car allowances
Travel perks
In order to accurately assess your overall worth as a married couple, it is important to begin digging into the supporting financial documents early on in the divorce process.
Retirement Accounts
Retirement is a far more pressing concern in gray divorce, and retirement accounts can play a primary role in the division of marital assets.
Over the course of your marriage, one or both of you likely built up a retirement nest egg in retirement accounts such as the following:
IRAs
401(k)s
Pensions
Dividing these in a gray divorce tends to be as complicated as it is financially significant. These assets can become key elements of divorce negotiations – especially at this point when they are likely to have reached significant value.
If you or your spouse brought a retirement account into your marriage with you, it is separate property, but this does not apply to any increase in its value over the long course of your marriage.
This distinction means that a considerable portion of the retirement account is very likely to be marital. Identifying the value when you were married and the amount of the account’s growth can be exceptionally challenging in and of itself.
Gray divorce can have a serious impact on retirement savings. It’s more costly to support two households than it is to support one, and this means that you and your ex both may need to continue working longer and adjust the standard of living you expect to enjoy in your retirement years.
Things can be even more complicated if one of you worked while the other stayed home during your marriage, which generally leaves the spouse who stayed home with far less savings for retirement and earning potential.
Inheritances
As mentioned, any inheritance that either of you receives in your name alone is separate property that need not be addressed in the division of your marital property. In a gray divorce, both spouses are more likely to have already inherited from their parents (if an inheritance is a factor), and the amount inherited is more likely to have been commingled with marital assets. It can be exceptionally difficult to keep separate property separate throughout many years of marriage. If you have been counting on your inheritance to carry you through into your retirement, you may be surprised to learn that it is not as separate as you had hoped.
Social Implications
A gray divorce can have a large impact on your social life moving forward. The risk of isolation and anxiety are serious concerns for anyone facing a divorce, and older divorcing adults can experience these effects more intensely.
Those who divorce later in life can experience a sense that “that’s the end of that” in terms of forging another close, intimate relationship, such as a marriage. However, many people who divorce after the age of 50 go on to remarry.
However, those who choose to start dating again may struggle with “getting back out there.” Starting a new romantic relationship can be far more intimidating after decades of marriage, and reentering the dating pool can feel overwhelming.
In addition, your divorce may affect your existing social ties. After many years of marriage, your social habits and friend groups as a couple likely stretch back for decades, which can be especially difficult to sort out in the aftermath of divorce.
Many of those going through divorce at this stage in life are also facing an empty nest, which can be a double whammy. Not only is their spousal role permanently altered, but their parental role is also altered, which can be a lot.
Career Changes
Gray divorce can bring unexpected changes in your career plans.
If you stayed at home while your spouse worked, divorce could leave you with the need to earn a living but without the experience or work history to jumpstart a career. You may need to forge a new career while your peers are winding theirs down.
If you did work, the financial decline related to divorce may mean that you won’t be able to retire as soon as you’d hoped.
If your divorce correlates with retirement, there is also the matter of your identity in relation to career to deal with. You won’t define yourself by your work anymore, and your identity that came from your marriage is coming to an end as well. In this complicated situation, the two endings can compound one another and may lead you to feel that you lack personal identity.
Our seasoned Killeen divorce attorneys are well-versed in all kinds of divorce situations and can help guide you through the complications of gray divorce. Contact us today to schedule your FREE consultation.
On the Plus Side
While divorce is difficult and divorce after 50 is more so, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s not all doom and gloom. New opportunities also lie ahead – and you have a lot of living left to do. The truth is that we are living longer, and divorce after 50 – and beyond – doesn’t mean the end of things.
Marriage is nothing if not a compromise, and post-divorce, you will likely have more time to focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled. Your future after a marriage of many years can be exceptionally rewarding, and in the meantime, there are many steps you can take to help you get there:
Take advantage of the support available to you, such as from friends or family members, or from a support group or counselor if you’re looking for more structured guidance.
Allow yourself the time and grace you need to navigate this challenging transition, keeping in mind that your personal growth isn’t a race.
Set and maintain firm boundaries with your ex – and anyone else who may want to weigh in about the decisions you’re making for yourself.
Manage your stress, which can include taking up a fun, new hobby – such as yoga or bird watching.
Cultivate new connections by participating in activities you enjoy or are intrigued by.
It’s also important to recognize that you’ve weathered some considerable storms in your life by the time you’re 50, which leaves you far more resilient and better prepared to cope with whatever comes your way.
Many people who make it to the other side of gray divorce share that their overall happiness has improved based on getting out from under relationships that may have been less than fulfilling – or even downright toxic. Further, the sense of independence and freedom that shedding a difficult marriage brings can be liberating.
It Is Time to Consult with an Experienced Killeen Divorce Attorney
Divorce is complicated, and gray divorce tends to be more so. If you are facing a gray divorce, Brett Pritchard at the Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard – proudly serving Killeen, Texas – is a formidable divorce attorney who has an impressive array of experience guiding complicated divorce cases like yours toward favorable outcomes that support his clients’ financial rights.
Mr. Pritchard is on your side. To learn more about how we can help, please do not wait to contact us online or call us at (254) 781-4222 today.