Divorce can build slowly, can hit like a bolt from the blue, or can amount to a slow burn; none of these options are especially pleasant. If you’re thinking of pursuing a divorce, it puts the reins in your hands, which can make the process a bit more manageable. However, if you think your spouse may be considering divorce, it can make matters even more emotionally challenging.
While every divorce comes with its own surprises and plays out according to the unique circumstances involved, there are certain tell-tale signs that often spell trouble in a marriage, and having a better understanding of these can help you better assess your own situation.
Maybe you’re just going through a bad patch – the way nearly all married couples eventually do – or maybe there’s a more serious problem, but if you are facing a divorce or believe that you may be soon, it’s time to consult with an experienced Round Rock property division attorney.
If Your Ability to Communicate with Your Spouse Is Breaking Down
Every couple has their own style of communication with one another, and for some, there’s a lot of talking going on –while for others, a comfortable silence is the norm. The important point here is that you and your spouse have honed a way to communicate with one another – whatever it may be – that makes you both feel heard and connected.
If something has changed in the way you communicate – even if you can’t put your finger on how it’s changed – it could be a sign that trouble is afoot.
If your spouse is choosing not to communicate with you in the way you normally do, it means something. They could be going through a difficult time and don’t want to burden you with it. They could also, however, be hiding something from you, and once your spouse begins purposely hiding things from you, it’s a sign that your marriage could be inching toward divorce.
If Your Spouse Is Distancing Themself Emotionally
Marriage is a close relationship in which you share your emotions naturally, and in healthy marriages, you support one another through the good, the bad, and the ugly – it’s part of the deal.
If you’ve noticed that your spouse is distancing themself from you emotionally, you should pay attention. It could be a sign of them not feeling well or of them experiencing some depression or anxiety, but these are issues that they should share with you as their spouse. In fact, sharing our problems helps to lighten their burden.
Not everyone opens up about what’s bothering them, and if that’s your spouse’s natural way, it’s one thing, but if they’ve changed and you experience the change as emotional distancing, it’s time to have a talk.
If your spouse isn’t forthcoming, it may be time to consider what’s best in terms of your own well-being. You deserve better than having to walk around on eggshells and be iced out by the person you’re married to.
While marriage counseling can definitely help and while many couples are able to revitalize their relationships through counseling, both spouses have to share that goal. If your spouse is showing signs that your relationship is in trouble but isn’t broaching the subject of counseling, it probably means they are keeping their own counsel, which may translate to divorce.
If Your Spouse Is Stonewalling You
A variation on losses related to communication is if your spouse is stonewalling you completely. This refers to simply shutting down conversations before they get started. They may refuse to speak, or they may physically turn away from you – but either way, they let you know that you’ve been excused and that they won’t be discussing whatever it is you brought up.
This is a reliable way to belittle you with very little effort on your spouse’s end, and it’s a very good predictor of divorce.
If You Feel Like You and Your Spouse Are Living Separate Lives
Every family is busy, and it’s not uncommon for spouses to feel like they’re always running in different directions. If you and your spouse, however, seem to be drifting apart, it’s a different story.
Marriage is a partnership – not an experiment in living parallel lives – and if your spouse isn’t invested in doing the things that partners do for one another, their commitment to the marriage could be waning.
Often, the realization that you’re living what amounts to separate lives happens slowly, and by the time you get the picture, it can be very difficult to set things straight. The fact that you didn’t notice the divide until it became a glaring issue is a pretty good indicator that you may be having second thoughts about your marriage as well.
If Your Spouse Avoids Coming Home
Living separate lives in the same home is one thing, and failing to come home or avoiding coming home at all is another. If your spouse seems to be making up excuses for not coming home, trust your gut.
And if your spouse is spending a lot less time at home – when it isn’t warranted by the circumstances, such as their job – there’s a very good chance that something’s up. They may be having an affair, or they may be distancing themselves from your marriage – both of which send a strong message.
If Your Spouse Has Only Negative Things to Say
If your spouse goes about their life in a reasonably good mood but only has negative comments for you, you’ll likely want to do some soul-searching. When a spouse berates their partner, it’s generally a sign of control, which isn’t an attractive quality in a mate and can lead to very dire consequences. Negative comments are a form of cruelty, which translates to abuse.
If this is a new habit, your spouse may be under a lot of stress, and it may be coming out in strange ways. If broaching the subject with them, however, doesn’t spark their desire to change their ways, you have your answer.
Further, if your spouse has made it their habit to treat you cruelly throughout your marriage, consulting with a trusted divorce attorney sooner rather than later is advised.
If Your Spouse Is Openly Contemptuous of You
If, instead of badgering you with negative comments, your spouse is openly contemptuous of what you have to say, it’s not a good sign. We all know better than to treat others with contempt, and doing so is generally a sign of intense anger with the other person or intense anger at oneself that’s turned outwards. Common signs of contempt include all the following:
Rolling their eyes at you when you’re speaking
Yawning in an exaggerated manner when you’re attempting to discuss something with them
Not looking up from their phone when you speak
Mocking your actions, mannerisms, or speech
Contempt is often called the relationship killer, and there is a good reason for this. No one should have to endure treatment that is this petty, ugly, and childish. If your spouse can’t find a more productive way to cope with their demons, a divorce is likely your best option.
If Money Seems to Be a Primary Trigger
If your spouse is focused almost exclusively on your family’s money woes – to a degree they weren’t in the past – it could indicate that they have a problem with your marriage. It’s not at all unusual for married couples to face money problems – raising a family is a costly endeavor, after all.
If your spouse, however, has turned to the topic of money as the framework for your interactions with one another, it may just be a handy tool to find fault with your relationship and to bring you down in the process.
Financial issues are best resolved through teamwork, and your spouse’s approach is telling you that they’re more interested in weakening your marriage than in solving the problems that virtually all married couples face at one point or another.
If Your Spouse Is Physically Withholding
A primary component of every close, romantic relationship is physical touch, which includes but is not limited to sexual relations with one another. If your spouse is touching you less or not touching you at all, it’s not something you should ignore. And if they avoid allowing you to touch them, it puts an even finer point on the matter.
Pay attention to all the following:
Has your spouse quit hugging you hello or goodbye when one of you heads out on a trip?
Can you remember the last time your spouse gave you a kiss?
Does your spouse seem to actively avoid being near you?
Has your spouse changed their bedtime routine in order to avoid snuggling with you at night?
Has your spouse dropped the physical niceties that they used to perform for you, such as helping you with your bags, opening doors for you, or engaging in any other acts of affection that they used to do as a matter of course?
While it’s easy to read these signs as a rejection of you, it’s more likely an outward manifestation of something that your spouse finds lacking in themself. If they’re unwilling to effectively address whatever it is that’s bothering them, however, the outcome is the same.
Now is the time to assess how much of this you are willing to take and whether or not you are willing to continue living this way.
If You Suspect Your Spouse Is Cheating
If you have reason to believe that your spouse may be cheating on you, it can be very painful to live with. If your spouse doesn’t have the decency to come clean when asked – or to take the steps necessary to prove you wrong – they are gaslighting you, which has a way of adding insult to injury.
Many married couples come back from infidelity, and many consider their marriages stronger after-the-fact, but it takes a lot of work. If your spouse won’t discuss the matter with you – either by putting your mind at rest or by fessing up – they’re not giving you anything to work with.
Infidelity is a painful reminder of the trust and love you’ve lavished your spouse with only to be betrayed in the process. Growing as a couple after you’ve been cheated on is a possibility but only if your spouse is geared up to put in the necessary effort, and if they’re not, moving on is likely to your advantage.
Anyone Can Have a Bad Day
At this point, it’s a good idea to take perspective into account. Anyone can have a bad day, a bad week, or a bad phase that they go through, and you – as your spouse’s loving partner – may be able to help the break the spell and turn things around for them.
Even if you can’t help them get past whatever it is that has them in a chokehold, you’re there to support them during the hard times. If this is what’s going on in your marriage, it’s likely salvageable.
If, on the other hand, your spouse has no interest in making any changes and frankly doesn’t know why you’re so upset, it’s time to put yourself first. Only you know what the answer is in your unique situation, but discussing your concerns with a dedicated divorce attorney can help you get a better handle on what your options are and what a divorce is likely to mean for you.
Discuss Your Concerns with an Experienced Round Rock Divorce Attorney Today
Reaching out to consult with a divorce attorney in no way increases the likelihood that you will divorce.
If you find yourself in a difficult situation regarding your marriage, Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is a compassionate Round Rock divorce attorney who appreciates what you’re going through and is well prepared to provide you with a better understanding of what a divorce is likely to mean for you.
This may help you make the difficult decisions that need to be made moving forward. Learn more by contacting or calling us at 254-781-4222 and scheduling a free consultation today.