Once you and your ex have made it through the divorce process, your relationship, and the ways in which you communicate are likely to be permanently altered. While some exes remain in close touch, most are happy to communicate as little as possible with one another for a long time to come.
When you share children, however, keeping an open line of communication with your spouse is a necessity. Co-parenting involves ongoing and important decision making and strategizing that simply cannot be avoided. Fortunately, there are less invasive means of communicating with your ex that can help take the sting out of any post-divorce tension.
You and your ex are no longer a couple, and your relationship is likely to be strained. The fact is, however, that you both remain loving parents of your children and you must continue to co-parent them. When it comes to your children, there are a variety of pivotal factors that need to be addressed:
- Your children’s primary residence
- Your children’s educations
- Your children’s health care
In addition to these basic necessities, there are going to be things that come up that you and your ex will need to deal with in the moment. Surprises like schedule changes, a sick child, or a broken down vehicle mean that you and your ex will need to come together and negotiate alternate plans. In other words, co-parenting requires communication.
Means of Communication
There are several ways to communicate with your ex after a divorce, but they tend to fall into a hierarchy that ranges from less immediate to more immediate (and thus less stressful to more stressful):
- Emails – If you need distance from your ex-spouse and are not ready to jump right back into instant communication, email is a great option. The email format allows you the opportunity to share a good deal of information while maintaining a formal or impersonal tone (which makes it easier not to slip into an angry or accusatory stance). Emails, however, lack the immediacy of other means of communication.
- Texts – a text is a more immediate means of communication than email, and it lacks email’s more formal tone. If you are ready to communicate in a somewhat friendlier format or need to relay information quickly, texting is a good option.
- Phone Calls – A phone call is a far more personal mode of communication, and if you are not ready for that, you should not push yourself. If the situation is an emergency, however, a phone call is likely to be your best option.
No matter how you choose to communicate with your ex, however, remember that communicating through your children puts them in the middle of your adult problems and is not in their best interests.