Even the most civil divorce – in which both parties remain respectful of one another – is not an easy process. However, if your divorcing spouse decides to make your divorce especially difficult, you can expect the divorce process to take more time, money, and emotional energy.
Being aware of the warning signs and learning not to take the bait can help you move forward with the dignity and confidence you need to put this behind you (with your parental and financial rights intact).
If you are facing what you expect to be a difficult divorce, it is time to consult with an experienced Killeen divorce attorney.
Signs that Your Spouse Is Going to Turn the Heat Up
Perhaps you and your divorcing spouse began on the same page and came to the mutual decision that you need a divorce and want to keep things amicable (a truly commendable pursuit). However, even if you both started out on friendly terms, things can quickly go south.
There are certain signs that may indicate your spouse has lost his or her way and is turning up the heat on your divorce:
Your divorcing spouse says one thing, but the communication you receive from his or her divorce attorney says something very different.
Your divorcing spouse suddenly refuses to communicate with you directly.
Your divorcing spouse spreads rumors about you, your family, your divorce, or any other personal matter.
Your divorcing spouse lashes out on social media.
Your divorcing spouse refuses to give an inch regarding the terms of your divorce that you are attempting to negotiate together.
Your divorcing spouse refuses to share critical financial information that would allow your divorce to proceed apace.
There are signs that your divorcing spouse is hiding assets or spending down marital assets.
Your divorcing spouse is putting your children in the middle or is engaging in other forms of parental alienation.
Your divorcing spouse is letting his or her emotions run the show – instead of focusing on the divorce work that needs to be done.
Your divorcing spouse is more interested in hurting you than in moving forward with the divorce.
Your divorcing spouse is prepared to fight on every issue.
If any of these sound familiar to you, you and your dedicated divorce attorney will need to do some strategizing regarding how best to proceed.
It is important to note that if your spouse wants to make your divorce more complicated, he or she has the power to do so. But you also have the power to stay focused, work closely with your divorce attorney, and keep the legal process moving forward (without sacrificing your rights).
Keep in mind that you will get through this, and your savvy divorce attorney will help you weather the legal storm without stooping to your spouse’s level and without prolonging the process unnecessarily.
A Note about Parental Alienation
Parental alienation refers to manipulative endeavors employed by one parent to emotionally distance children from their other parent. Consider some of the telltale signs of this very harmful practice:
Your divorcing spouse bad-mouths you to your children (perhaps blaming you for the divorce).
Your divorcing spouse attempts to thwart your communication with the children when they are not with you. This can mean limiting your ability to speak with them on the phone, communicate electronically, and more.
Your divorcing spouse attempts to limit the amount of time you spend with your children overall.
Your divorcing spouse forces your children to choose between the two of you.
Your divorcing spouse enlists your children to spy on you and keep secrets from you.
Your divorcing spouse does not allow the children to keep pictures of you – or other items that link them to you – at his or her home.
Your divorcing spouse is teaching your children to fear you.
Your divorcing spouse tells your children you do not love them.
Your divorcing spouse confides in your children inappropriately.
Your divorcing spouse disrespects you openly and encourages your children to call you by your first name (instead of “mom” or “dad”).
Your divorcing spouse encourages your children to call their new romantic partner “mom” or “dad.”
Your divorcing spouse attempts to keep important information about your shared children’s health care or education from you.
Parental alienation goes beyond run-of-the-mill nasty divorce behavior and must be directly addressed from the outset in order to protect your children.
If there are signs that your spouse is engaging in parental alienation, it is important to address the matter head-on. Parental alienation is a form of child abuse, which makes it an issue that should receive the immediate attention it deserves.
There is a wide range of common signs that parental alienation is at play, but there are also less obvious actions and efforts that can have the same dangerous effects. The bottom line is that you know your children well, and if you notice a shift in their relationship with you, you should not ignore it.
Common Areas of Contention
If your divorcing spouse is going to make your divorce contentious, two primary divorce terms tend to be the focus.
Your Child Custody Arrangements
In Texas, child custody is addressed in terms of legal and physical custody (or access and visitation). Because this element of divorce directly affects your rights as a parent, it can quickly become a hotly contested issue.
When Texas courts make decisions about child custody, they always prioritize the best interests of the involved children. They begin with the presumption that children are better off when they continue to have a close, loving relationship with both parents (to the degree possible).
In other words, you and your ex will be dividing your time with the kids, and the focus should be on hammering out a parenting time schedule that works for everyone. If your divorcing spouse is having difficulty accepting this fact, it can become a heated battle.
Legal Custody
Legal custody dictates who will be making the important parenting decisions post-divorce, including decisions about primary matters such as the following:
Where your children live (primarily)
The health care your children receive
The extracurricular activities and travel your children participate in
The religious education your children receive
These are decisions that you and your ex can make together, but there are other potential arrangements:
You and your ex can make these decisions together, but if your good faith efforts to negotiate do not succeed, one of you retains tie-breaking authority.
One of you can take sole legal custody and make these primary decisions on your own.
You and your ex can divide this decision-making authority between you according to the kind of decision that is being made.
The parent who is with the kids at the time is responsible for fielding those everyday parenting decisions that arise on a regular basis. In emergency situations, whichever parent is available must make the necessary decisions.
Physical Custody
Physical custody sets the schedule for when your children are with you and when they are with their other parent.
If you and your ex are able to hammer out a parenting schedule between yourselves, you can decide on your own schedule. However, if your divorcing spouse is making the issue difficult, you will likely need the court’s intervention, which means being awarded one of its standard parenting time schedules.
Standard parenting time schedules break down into the following two options:
One of you becomes the primary custodial parent, and the other receives a visitation schedule.
You and your ex divide the number of overnights with your children equally (or nearly equally).
The Division of Your Marital Property
The other term that commonly drives divorces into a contentious territory is the division of marital property. This division will play a significant role in your post-divorce finances, which makes it a primary concern. In addition, whenever money is involved, there is a tendency for tempers to flare and for tension to rise.
In the end, you will need to divide your marital assets between you fairly (in relation to a wide range of variables). If your divorcing spouse wants to haggle over every dime, it can drag out the process considerably.
Marital Property vs. Separate Property
If the asset in question was acquired while you were married, it is likely marital property. Who made the purchase or who paid for it does not play a role. The only exceptions include inheritances and gifts that come to one spouse alone. Marital property must be addressed in your divorce.
Separate property stays your own and is not divided upon divorce, but the distinction between separate property and marital property is not always clear. In order for those assets you bring into your marriage with you to remain separate, you must keep them separate – or unentangled – from your marital assets, which can be a difficult task.
Even if you do manage to keep an asset separate, such as a business or a retirement account, any increase in its value over the course of your marriage will be considered marital and must be included in the division of your marital property.
Factors that Affect the Division of Marital Property
When the court makes determinations about the division of marital property, it considers a wide range of factors, including the following circumstances:
Each spouse’s overall physical and emotional health and earning capacity
Any significant age difference between the spouses
The size of the overall marital estate
Each spouse’s separate property
Any anticipated gifts or inheritances on the part of either spouse
Any assets that are owned in other jurisdictions
The spousal or child support obligations of each spouse
The attorney fees and cost of the divorce litigation
The unique nature of specific assets
The tax implications involved
Any improper spending down or wasting of marital assets
Whether or not fault played a role in the breakdown of the marriage
Any other considerations the court determines to be relevant
Although finances involve cold, hard numbers, the division of marital property often has a significant emotional component that can quickly derail an amicable divorce.
Work Closely with a Seasoned Divorce Attorney
When it comes to divorce, you are going to have to play the hand you are dealt. If your divorcing spouse decides to heat things up – or simply cannot help himself or herself – you will need to rely heavily on your knowledgeable divorce attorney – who has a wealth of experience successfully handling difficult cases like yours.
Working closely with your divorce attorney from the outset can help in all the following ways:
Your attorney will help you better understand how the court is likely to rule in your case, which can help you pinpoint your priorities and focus on them.
Your attorney will help you strategize a means of negotiating with your ex (if at all possible).
Your attorney will help you determine when it is time to cut your losses (when there is nothing more to be gained) and when to keep going.
Your attorney will help you protect your parental and financial rights.
Your attorney will help you move your case toward trial (when it is clear that there is no longer any hope of engaging in good faith negotiations with your divorcing spouse).
Your attorney will help to ensure that you are well prepared for trial when the time comes.
Your attorney will help you make the right decisions for you along the way.
Turn to an Experienced Killeen Divorce Attorney for Skilled Legal Guidance
Divorces are rarely simple, and you don't have to try to navigate one on your own. The legal system is complicated and there are many rules that most people don’t know.
If you are heading toward a difficult divorce, Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard in Killeen, Texas, is a divorce attorney who understands what is at stake and who is well prepared to help. Learn more by contacting us online or calling us at (254) 781-4222 today.