Divorce is a major decision that will change the course of your future, and only you can decide if this is the path you need to take. However, carefully assessing the state of your marriage, considering the signs that divorce might be the best course of action, and understanding what divorce would likely mean for you can help you get a better handle on your own situation.
If you are considering divorce, consulting with an experienced Round Rock divorce lawyer early on is an important first step, and far from dooming your marriage, it could be the push you need to put your relationship back together. The better informed you are, the better prepared you’ll be to make the right decisions for you.
Fault
To begin, it’s important to know that very few divorces in Texas – or anywhere else in the country – are based on fault. Most Texas divorce cases are based on insupportability, which means that the spouses have irreconcilable differences, and if you do pursue a divorce, yours is likely to be no-fault.
If you are considering divorce, however, it’s a good idea to know the grounds for fault in Texas. If any sound familiar to you, it’s a strong sign that divorce is likely in your best interest.
Cruelty
Cruelty can take a wide range of forms, but when it comes to divorce in the State of Texas, it refers to willfully causing one’s spouse to suffer ongoing and unnecessary physical or emotional pain. If your spouse’s cruelty is so serious that it crushes your marriage, you can pursue a divorce that is based on fault. Each case is considered by the unique circumstances involved.
Adultery
Adultery is one of the most common grounds for fault-based divorces in Texas, but it’s important to point out that many marriages come back from infidelity stronger than ever. If your spouse is cheating on you, you may be at a crossroads that requires careful consideration.
To obtain a divorce that’s based on adultery, you’ll need to prove that your spouse is having a sexual relationship with someone other than you, which is generally achieved via evidence like the following:
The eyewitness testimony of people who saw the couple sharing romantic moments
Bank receipts reflecting hotel rooms, dinners out, getaways, or gifts for the other person
Phone and text records
Any physical evidence, including notes, photos, cards, or anything else that speaks to an extramarital affair
Simply having a hunch or suspicion about what your spouse is up to isn’t enough to support a divorce that’s based on adultery. If you get the distinct feeling that your spouse is up to something, however, it’s important to acknowledge your instincts and to do what you can to get to the bottom of the matter. Ignoring the early warning signs can eat away at you.
Abandonment
If your spouse has abandoned you and has been gone for at least a year, it’s a clear sign that your marriage is near the breaking point – or may be irretrievably broken. In Texas, you can seek a divorce that’s based on abandonment. As a married couple, you’re a team, and if your spouse has abandoned you, the basis of your union is unstable at best.
To obtain a divorce that’s based on abandonment, your spouse must have been gone for a full year. This generally means being gone without returning to your marital home for even a night or two – unless they had no intention of staying when they did so.
Felony Criminal Conviction
If your spouse is convicted of a felony during your marriage, you can seek a divorce that’s based on this fact. Their felony conviction can’t, however, have been based on your testimony.
If any of these apply to your marriage, it can make the decision to pursue a divorce very clear-cut. Some points to keep in mind when it comes to fault-based divorce include the following:
You will bear the burden of proving your spouse’s wrongdoing.
A fault-based divorce can directly affect your divorce terms – in your favor.
Fault-based divorces are contested divorces, which means they go to court and tend to cost more, be lengthier, and be more emotionally challenging. This can make things harder for everyone, including your children.
Your spouse’s wrongdoing can affect specific divorce terms, even in a no-fault divorce. For example, if your spouse spent marital funds to bankroll a lavish affair, it could directly impact the division of your marital assets.
If you’re seeking a divorce that’s based on fault – or if you qualify for a divorce that’s based on fault – you’re facing an extreme situation, and the decision about whether or not you need a divorce is essentially made for you. In the vast majority of cases, however, the decision-making process is far more nuanced and requires more thorough soul-searching.
Potential Red Flags
Every marriage is unique to the couple and the circumstances involved. However, certain signs can potentially be red flags. Only you and your spouse know what your relationship can bear, but there are patterns of behavior that are worthy of your attention.
You’re No longer Communicating Clearly with One Another
Clear communication is the cornerstone of every solid relationship – whether it’s a romantic, platonic, or business relationship. If communication has broken down between you and your spouse, there are reasons, and they are worth considering.
Every couple hits a rough patch from time to time. If, however, your ability to share with one another freely has broken down and is only getting worse, other aspects of your marriage are more vulnerable to following suit. Signs of slippage in marital communications include all the following:
Simply avoiding tough topics
Not giving one another your full attention, such as by staying glued to a phone or tablet while talking
Failing to share things large and small with one another
Adopting a passive-aggressive communication style in which either spouse makes their feelings clear but doesn’t talk about them – much the way a child would.
If communication between you and your spouse isn’t what it used to be, it may be time for a heart-to-heart, or it could be a sign that you’ve got bigger problems.
There Is a Loss of Focus on the Things that Connect You
Marriage isn’t simply a relationship that’s forged by a legal contract and that takes care of itself from that point on. While not everyone is great at opening up, and while your spouse may become a more effective communicator over time – failing to put any time or effort into your marriage can spell serious trouble.
If either of you – or both of you – is no longer invested in keeping your marriage moving in the right direction, it can take a serious toll on your relationship and could ultimately be a deal breaker. Signs that your spouse may not be all in include the following:
They rarely participate in family activities or traditions.
They don’t pay attention or may not care when you voice concerns about your marriage.
They don’t prioritize family dinners or date nights out alone.
They take you for granted and no longer pull their own weight around the house.
They don’t back you up when conflicts arise in your extended family – on either side.
They avoid emotional and physical intimacy.
Each of these is foundational to a strong and rewarding marriage, and if you feel like your spouse is removing themself from your relationship physically, emotionally, or both, you’re advised to pay attention.
Your Spouse’s Emotional Immaturity Is Wearing on You
Emotional immaturity tends to rear its ugly head during times of stress, and when marital issues arise, and if this is your spouse’s starting position, you shouldn’t expect much growth in your marriage. If, on the other hand, your spouse is invested in putting in considerable effort for the sake of your marriage, it’s a positive sign.
We all deal with problems in our own ways, and married couples who help each other through tough times tend to be on solid ground. If, on the other hand, your spouse’s go-to response to every problem that arises is sarcasm, defensiveness, or shutting down entirely, they’re not giving you much to work with.
An inability to cope with turmoil generally stems from insecurities and can translate to impulsivity, lashing out, infidelity, and beyond. If your spouse makes a genuine effort to change, it bodes well for your relationship, but if they refuse to recognize that there’s an issue, it can leave you facing a lifetime of picking up the pieces.
Your Spouse Leans into Their Incompetence
Marriage is a partnership, and when all’s well, each spouse’s efforts bolster the other’s.
If, however, your spouse establishes that they’re not capable of doing a good job when it comes to housework, yard work, the daily grind of parenting, and all the rest, it’s a means of weaponizing their incompetence and is a ploy to get out of doing their fair share of the work – or of doing any work at all in particularly egregious cases.
If you see signs of this in your spouse, it’s important to consider what it means in the context of your marriage. It’s one thing to be lazy and more than happy to get out of doing some housework from time to time, but it’s quite another to structure one’s life around this construct.
If your spouse allows you to do far more than your share, it’s a clear sign of disrespect and signals an absence of fidelity that shouldn’t be ignored.
Taking Stock of Your Feelings
Finally, it’s important to take your own feelings into consideration. No marriage – regardless of what you see on social media, what you read in romance novels, or what others tell you – is perfect, and every married person has moments when their feelings toward their spouse are less than complimentary. This is the nature of very close relationships.
However, if you’re experiencing a crisis of faith in your marriage, it’s a different matter. Two emotional red flags are important to pay attention to.
Loneliness
Marriage can be hard, messy, and frustrating, but it shouldn’t make you feel lonely. Your spouse should be your emotional partner – the person you turn to when times are tough – and if they no longer fill this role, you have some difficult decision-making to do.
Resentfulness
It’s not uncommon to have some resentment toward your spouse from time to time. Marriage is a journey, after all, and you should expect highs and lows. The traditional vows of for better or for worse exist for a reason. If, however, your overriding feelings toward your spouse all focus on resentment, your relationship is heading in the wrong direction.
If you’re to the point that just about everything your spouse does makes you recoil in resentment, disgust, or hostility, it’s time to do something. This could mean seeking couples counseling, or it could be a clear-cut sign that divorce is the right answer for you.
If Your Spouse Is Abusive
It’s important to note that, if your spouse is abusive, you need to proceed with caution. You are never more vulnerable to harm than when you’re getting ready to leave. Discreetly consulting with a compassionate divorce attorney can help set the stage for a safer path forward, which includes accessing the professional resources available to you.
Consult with an Experienced Round Rock Divorce Lawyer Today
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard – proudly serving Round Rock Texas for decades – is a trusted divorce attorney who appreciates what you’re going through and has the experience, legal insight, and compassion to help.
Your future is important, so please don’t wait contacting or calling us at 254-781-4222 and scheduling a free consultation today.