Facilitative divorce mediation – often simply referred to as mediation – is a form of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) that helps many divorcing couples keep their cases out of court. And keeping your divorce out of court can be highly motivating to both sides.
The divorce process is designed to facilitate open negotiations that allow couples to explore their options and find a middle ground that they are both willing to accept. Mediation is not a cure-all, and the process can stall. But just because mediation hits a snag does not mean all is lost. In fact, there are several helpful hints that can help you get over the hump you’re facing.
One of the most important factors when it comes to successfully navigating the divorce mediation process with your rights intact is working closely with a dedicated Round Rock divorce attorney – who has an impressive array of experience with divorce mediation – from the start.
Negotiating Divorce Terms
Every divorce is its own unique beast, but every divorce boils down to resolving the same basic divorce terms, which include:
The division of marital property, which involves dividing the assets you and your spouse came to own over the course of your marriage fairly in relation to the involved circumstances
Child custody arrangements, which include your parenting time schedule, or physical custody, and your parental responsibilities, or legal custody
Child support, which is calculated in accordance with careful state guidelines that generally assign the child support obligation to the higher earner
Alimony, which is only awarded when the divorce leaves one spouse unable to cover their reasonable needs while the other has the financial resources to help
If you and your divorcing spouse – under the guidance of your respective divorce attorneys – are able to negotiate these terms between yourselves, you should consider yourselves ahead of the curve, and mediation won’t be an issue.
If, however, there are one or more terms that you get caught up on, you’ve got more work to do. One option is allowing each of your focused divorce attorneys to hammer out terms on your behalf, but if this doesn’t get the job done, mediation is likely the next logical step.
Divorce Mediation
Many divorcing couples are willing to put serious effort into mediation for the sole reason that they would prefer to retain decision-making authority regarding primary matters that affect their parental and financial rights. If turning to a stranger to make these decisions for you strikes you as far less than ideal, mediation is a solid option.
If Your Divorcing Spouse Goes Rogue
It is important to note here that if your divorcing spouse is more interested in making things hard on you than in negotiating fair terms, mediation can turn into just another costly and time-consuming step in the inevitable march toward court.
Your seasoned Round Rock divorce attorney will help you determine if this is the situation you find yourself in and will help you make the right choices for you in response.
The Mediation Process
At mediation, you and your divorce attorney and your spouse and theirs will meet with a professional mediator who serves in the role of a neutral third party. The mediator will explain the lay of the land to you – along with the role they’ll play – and at this point, each side will head to their own space.
The mediator will go back and forth between you, and their goal is facilitating negotiations born of compromise – but they are not there to offer their opinion or to help move the needle in either direction.
If one of you is willing to make a concession in exchange for the other tweaking their own stance, the mediator will take the offer or request to the other party and will continue to go back and forth between you until you resolve each of the terms that need to be addressed – or until you reach a deadlock that can’t be overcome.
Legal Effect
If you and your divorcing spouse are able to resolve one or more terms of your divorce through mediation and if each of you signs off on the compromises you reach, the matter becomes legally binding.
If, however, either of you refuses to sign off on the agreements you reached or if you don’t reach any agreements in the first place, nothing has been resolved, and there are no legally binding terms attached. The mediator, themself, doesn’t have the authority to impose their judgment in the matter or to make any final decisions on your behalf.
Finally, it’s important to note that mediation isn’t an all or nothing proposition. If you are able to resolve even one term that you couldn’t reach an agreement regarding prior, it’s one term that you won’t need the court to determine on your behalf.
The Upside to Mediation
In addition to allowing you to make decisions that will directly affect your future between yourselves, mediation has much to recommend, including all the following:
This very private matter will remain private, while court proceedings are a matter of public record.
Mediation is a far less formal process than going to court, which helps set the stage for more relaxed negotiations.
Mediation is less time consuming, less expensive, and less emotionally fraught than resolving your divorce terms in court would be.
Because mediation is a less stressful process, it can also be easier on your children.
Mediation can support a less combative relationship between the two of you moving forward, which benefits everyone.
Mediation has many built-in benefits that are worth exploring and can seriously affect the outcome of your case.
If You Hit a Bump
If you and your soon-to-be ex are chugging along in mediation and you hit a bump, all is not lost. In fact, this isn’t at all unusual, and there is no reason to pack up your paper and pens and abandon the process. There are several tried-and-true steps you can take that may give you the extra boost you need to get the job done.
Be Flexible
If you put too much pressure on yourself in relation to mediation, it can do more harm than good. Yes, mediation is designed to help you and your divorcing spouse hammer out the terms that are getting in the way of your divorce moving forward, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to come without some stressful moments.
When you go into mediation with realistic expectations, it can help pave the way toward success – even if that success comes with fits and starts.
Expect Setbacks
In the end, mediation is a process, and it’s not unusual to experience setbacks along the way. When you run up against a term for which neither of you is willing to budge, you may just be working on the wrong term.
Ultimately, there is a good deal of interconnection between your divorce terms, and if you’re able to resolve another term that you’re not as far apart regarding, it may jostle something loose that makes that formerly deadlocked term less challenging.
There is no one right way to go about mediation. Sometimes, putting a specific term on the back burner while you proceed with another is all it takes to keep things moving forward.
Set Yourself Up for Success
A good place to start when you head into mediation is with a term that is less contentious and that you don’t each have wildly different opinions regarding. For example, child support is determined by state guidelines with very little wiggle room on the matter. While the court has the discretion to go outside these guidelines in the face of extraordinary circumstances, this is generally a term that couples don’t find insurmountable.
If you can get your child support terms squared away from the start, it affords you an early success that can make further successes more likely.
If Things Get Heated, Take a Break
Mediation is your chance to negotiate divorce terms in a neutral setting, but this doesn’t mean that tempers won’t flare. If you find that your negotiations are breaking down into a virtual shouting match that’s being conducted by a professional go-between, it’s likely time to take a break.
What you may not realize is that mediation can be emotionally exhausting, and if you don’t take breaks when you need them, you could set yourself up for failure. Mediation tends to be a marathon – rather than a sprint – and keeping this in mind can help you pace yourself.
Break the Issue Down
A great tactic to employ if you find yourself hung up on a divorce term in mediation is breaking it down into its basic working parts, and proceeding from there. This begins with focusing on the legalities of the matter and applying them to your own situation.
For example, if you and your divorcing spouse are both vying for the role of primary custodial parent, it’s important to keep in mind that the court always focuses on the children’s best interests when resolving terms that involve them. As such, factors like the following are likely to prevail:
Which parent has dedicated more time to raising the children to date
How well the children are doing in relation to their current home, school, and community
How close each of you is to your children
The children’s preferences – for those who are mature enough to weigh in
The degree to which each of you is committed to effective co-parenting and to supporting the other’s ongoing relationship with your children
If one of you has historically been the children’s primary caregiver, it supports them continuing in that role. Texas courts take the status quo and how well children are currently doing into careful consideration because they recognize how critical stability is at this difficult time in their lives.
If, on the other hand, you and your children’s other parent are on relatively equal footing with regard to the amount of time you spend with your children and your overall involvement in their lives, you can expect the court to award something close to equal parenting time for each of you, which may help you move your own negotiations along.
You May Need to Bring in an Expert
If you’re facing a particularly vexing issue, it may be time to bring in a professional. For example, if there is a business involved, the complexity of the related financials may require a professional valuation, which is a complex task.
Typically, couples address these issues prior to mediation. If, however, it becomes apparent during mediation that you don’t have the information you need to make a well-informed decision on the matter at hand, it simply means that there’s more work to be done, and now is the time to do it.
Once you sign off on a division of marital property, the matter is settled and can’t be modified after the fact, which makes getting it right at this juncture worth the additional effort.
Reach Out to an Experienced Round Rock Divorce Attorney for the Help You Need Today
Mediation is a great way to keep your divorce out of court, which is a worthy goal that can save you a considerable amount of time, money, and emotional anguish.
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard – proudly serving Round Rock, Texas, for more than two decades – is a compassionate divorce attorney who has a wealth of experience successfully guiding even some of the most challenging divorce cases through the mediation process with his clients’ rights well protected, and he’s here for you, too.
The outcome of your case is important to you and your children’s future, so please don’t put off contacting or calling us at 254-781-4222 to schedule a free consultation and learn more about what we can do to help you today.