Now that Halloween is behind us and the holiday season is upon us, it’s time to take stock regarding your divorce. Whether you just filed or are rolling right along, you don’t want your divorce to cast a pall on the holidays for your children, but you also want to avoid slowing the process down, which is a pretty tall order.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to retain the magic of the season without dragging out your divorce and while keeping your sights on your parental and financial rights. One of the most important steps you can take at this juncture is consulting with an experienced Round Rock divorce attorney who appreciates your priorities and has the legal insight and drive to help.
Keep Your Focus on Your Kids but Don’t Forget About You
The holidays bring us together as families, and you don’t want this to get lost in the shuffle. Divorce is hard enough on children, and throwing a wrench into their holiday celebrations is not the goal.
If your children are close with both sides of the family, keeping these traditions alive while your divorce is pending is a good plan, and to do so, you and your divorcing spouse are going to need to work together.
Honor Your Traditions
Honoring the traditions you’ve established as a family is important to your kids, and this generally means retaining the holiday schedules you’ve established in the past, which may take some tweaking.
While your divorce is pending, this will very likely mean handing off your children between yourselves according to whose family you’re visiting. Depending on your traditions and the holidays you celebrate, your kids might spend Christmas Eve – for example – with you and your family while spending Christmas Day with your soon-to-be ex and theirs.
Pencil in Me Time
The holiday season helps to cement family connections, which will continue to support your children into their adulthood and is not something you should skimp on. While your primary focus is on your children’s well-being, it’s important to also pay attention to you. The holidays are a mixture of togetherness, good times, scheduling chaos, and – for some – melancholy.
When you add the stress of a divorce into the mix, it’s a lot, and you’ll want to factor in your own state of mind. You can’t be everything your children need if you’re not taking care of yourself, so carve out some time for self-care, including getting together with friends and family members who offer you the unconditional love and support you need.
Don’t Turn Gift Giving into a Competition
The holidays and gifts tend to go hand in hand, and if you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy for all the reasonable guidelines you’ve set in terms of your children’s gifts to fly right out the window.
With everything you have going on, it may be hard to even keep track of what you’ve purchased for each child, and you may just keep going – rather than taking stock of what you’ve got. If this is where you find yourself, you should know that you’re not alone and that your children don’t measure your love by the gifts you give them.
There is also the matter of your children’s other parent to consider. This is one topic you’re going to want to discuss because doubling up on presents is inconvenient at best and wasteful at worst – not to mention disappointing for your children. If you and your divorcing spouse aren’t exactly on speaking terms, a simple note letting them know what your plans are can help.
The most important point to keep in mind is that gift-giving isn’t a competition – even if your ex tries to turn it into one. The surest path forward – if your children’s other parent isn’t interested in making this a team effort – is determining reasonable gift-giving parameters that make sense for you and your children and sticking to them.
If your soon-to-be ex wants to go wild in an attempt to show you up, that is their business – you need to do what’s right for you and your children.
To protect your rights and make the best decisions for your family, consult with a trusted Round Rock attorney.
Create New Traditions
If you’re going through a divorce, it can’t be denied that your family is facing a new normal, and while you may preserve many of the holiday traditions you’ve always had, it’s also a good opportunity to embrace new ones that will go on to hold a special place in your lives.
Ultimately, families are resilient, and while turning to the practices you’ve always enjoyed is lovely and nostalgic, there is always plenty of room for new ones that may better suit your circumstances.
Attempting to jam an old tradition into your new reality can feel forced and can tarnish fond memories in the process. We tend to establish traditions as a matter of what works for us and what we enjoy, and as your family moves into its post-divorce future, you may be surprised by the traditions that arise organically.
Keep in Mind What Matters Most
Whether it’s Thanksgiving, a religious holiday, or simply a time to get together, the constant that runs throughout the holidays is spending time together. By remaining focused on togetherness, you keep things in perspective, which helps to ensure a warm and welcoming holiday season. A few great activities to try with your kids include:
Writing holiday cards together
Calling the grandparents together – in order to reminisce, share what’s new, and extend well-wishes
Having a gift-wrapping contest
Heading out to the ice-skating rink – if you or your kids don’t know how to skate, now is a great time to learn
Taking in a local production of The Nutcracker or any other holiday classic
Attending a holiday concert
Decorating cookies or a gingerbread house together
Caroling
Participating in a food or toy drive
The list could go on and on, and you’re sure to come up with ideas of your own that you and your children will enjoy – perhaps for many years to come.
Don’t Pretend Your Divorce Isn’t Happening
It's understandable not to want to dwell on your divorce during the holidays, but pretending like it’sn’t happening to make the holidays more festive isn’t going to do anyone any good. Doing so will confuse your children and could give them false hope that the divorce is off.
Your children need to know that they can trust you to be honest with them, and glossing over your divorce simply because it doesn’t align with the season can leave them feeling confused and stressed.
Your Kids Need an Age-Appropriate Version of the Truth
If you and your spouse are pursuing a divorce and you aren’t living together – or are living together but with a definite chill between you – you need to address the matter with your children if you haven’t already.
The truth is that, because it’s the holidays, there is an additional layer of complexity and emotional pain to contend with. This does not, however, alter the fact that you shouldn’t keep your divorce a secret, which can scar your children and could affect their ability to enjoy the holidays in the future.
A better approach is being honest with your children and sharing the news of your divorce in an age-appropriate way while keeping all the following in mind:
The best plan is for you and your divorcing spouse to tell your kids about your divorce together, which reinforces the fact that you both love them, that you will both continue to work together to care for and support them and that you’ll both always be there for them.
Instead of telling your children about your divorce one at a time, a better approach is telling them all at once. You are – after all – a family, and making this a family discussion allows everyone the opportunity to share their feelings.
Listen to your children and be on the lookout for concerns that may weigh on them. It’s difficult to predict how your divorce will affect each child, which makes it important to tune in to any specific problems that do arise.
Make a point to spend one-on-one time with each of your children as the holidays progress. This will provide you with a better understanding of how they are all handling the news of your divorce and could help you nip any problems in the bud before they become more serious.
Remember that there are resources out there for your children if any of them are struggling. For example, a counselor who specializes in helping children navigate divorce or a support group for children of divorce could prove especially beneficial.
Taking Care of You
A divorce during the holidays is also going to weigh that much more heavily on you. Fortunately, however, there are important steps you can take to help ensure that this doesn’t spill over into your parenting, including:
Accept the fact that the holidays will slow down the legal process somewhat and make the best of it. Your seasoned divorce attorney will take the steps necessary to keep your case moving effectively and efficiently forward in the new year.
If you need help coping with the emotional end of things, which is not at all unusual and is nothing to be ashamed of, reach out for the resources available to you – whether that means leaning on a loved one for support or sharing your concerns with a mental health professional.
Open your heart to the joy of the season – knowing that once your divorce gets back in full swing, you’ll be ready to address the matter head-on.
Don’t allow the goodwill associated with the holidays to nudge you into accepting terms that don’t support your parental or financial rights.
If you do have a court date or mediation scheduled during the holidays, being prepared is key, and working closely with your skilled divorce attorney throughout the process helps to ensure that you will be.
The Terms of Your Divorce
Ultimately, your divorce comes down to negotiating mutually acceptable terms that you and your divorcing spouse are both willing to sign off on. If you’re able to find middle ground between yourselves, you won’t require the court’s intervention, which means that your divorce will be uncontested.
In an uncontested divorce, the two of you retain the authority to resolve each of the following divorce terms that apply in your case:
Your child custody arrangements, which include legal custody and parenting time
Child support
The fair division of your marital assets
Alimony – or spousal maintenance
Keeping your case out of court is likely to mean that you’ll also reduce the overall expense, the cost in terms of time, and the degree of hostility, which is good for the whole family, including your children.
While your case may slow down as a result of hectic holiday scheduling, this reprieve can provide you with the space you need to firm up your divorce priorities, which can afford you greater leverage when it comes to negotiations.
Once you’ve pinpointed what matters most to you, you can formulate a strategy that focuses on your goals – rather than simply fighting for anything and everything.
An Experienced Round Rock Divorce Attorney Is Standing By to Help You
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is a formidable Round Rock divorce attorney who appreciates how difficult navigating your divorce through the holiday season can be and will spare no effort in his quest to help you find the best path forward for you – with your parental and financial rights intact.
Your case is important to you and your children’s future, so please don’t put off contacting or calling us at 254-781-4222 to schedule a free consultation and learn more about what we can do to help you today.