Handling Communications with Your Ex in a Child Custody Case

Spouses communicating during a Texas child custody case

I want to help you obtain the most favorable outcome possible in your case.

  • Contact me today for a FREE case strategy meeting.
  • Available in-person, by phone, or by video.
Brett Pritchard Law

If you and your divorcing spouse or your children’s other parent are facing a child custody case, the fact that your parental rights will be affected makes the matter of primary concern.

While the goal is generally to keep things as amicable as possible – for your own sake, your children’s sake, and the sake of your case’s outcome – this doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be on speaking terms with your soon-to-be ex. In fact, doing so can backfire.

Having a handle on the back-and-forth between you and your ex as your case progresses can make a serious difference in the outcome of your case. Working closely with an experienced Round Rock child custody attorney from the start is always to your advantage.

Expect Emotions to Run High

There are few family law matters or divorce terms that are as emotionally charged as child custody. The amount of time you’ll spend with your children hangs in the balance, and the path forward is paved with raw emotions.

When it comes to your children, it’s impossible to remain neutral, which is exactly why taking precautions around communicating with their other parent is so advisable. Keeping the communication between you and your children’s other parent strictly electronic and on an as-needed basis can be a wise move on your part.

You may have no idea what could trigger an explosive outburst on either side – or you may find it tempting to bring up topics that you know will trigger fireworks – but an explosive outburst is just what you want to avoid when it comes to your child custody case.

Negotiating Your Child Custody Terms

When it comes to child custody in Texas, you and your children’s other parent will need to address both legal and physical custody.

Texas courts are invested in supporting the best interests of the involved children, and when there isn’t a serious reason for ruling otherwise, this generally means maximizing each parent’s involvement in raising the children and maximizing the amount of time each parent receives with the children.

Legal Custody

Legal custody addresses how you and your ex will go about making the following primary parenting decisions on behalf of your children:

  • Where they attend school or daycare

  • The medical care they receive

  • Their participation in extracurricular activities

  • Their religious upbringing

Parents often share legal custody, which means they make these important parenting decisions together. Shared legal custody can take any of the following forms:

  • Both parents make each decision together as a matter of consensus.

  • Both parents make each decision together, and one holds the right to break a tie if necessary.

  • The parents divide the decisions between them according to the kind that needs to be made.

When one parent has sole legal custody, he or she will make each of the big parenting decisions independently.

Physical Custody

Physical custody sets the parenting time schedule, which determines when your children will be with you and when they’ll be with your ex. While one of you may become the primary custodial parent, the other will likely receive a generous number of overnights with the children.

Texas courts consider best interest factors when making child custody determinations, and this means that they’re looking for you and your children’s other parent to demonstrate that you’re committed to effective co-parenting and to supporting one another’s healthy and ongoing relationships with the children.

In other words, if the court finds out that you are having verbal battles with your spouse, it can damage your position – especially if your goal is becoming the primary custodial parent.

The court also takes the following best interest factors into consideration:

  • The children’s ages and their overall mental and physical health

  • The children’s needs, including any special needs

  • Both spouses’ ages and overall mental and physical health

  • Each parent’s level of involvement in parenting the children to this point

  • Each parent’s ability to adequately address each of the children’s needs

  • The distance the spouses live from each other

  • How well the status quo – or current living situation of the home, school, and community – is serving the children

  • Whether there are any concerns related to domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect

Ultimately, your and your ex’s ability to keep your cool in relation to your child custody case will serve you both well. Sometimes, this effort calls for knowing your limits and imposing strict rules about communication with one another while your case is pending.

Contact a seasoned child custody attorney for help navigating negotiations and communication in your case.

What’s Best for Your Children

The court wants what’s best for your children, and you and your children’s other parent want what’s best for them. Unfortunately, this unity can be lost in the emotional turmoil that a child custody case is likely to stir up.

The court would like each of you to demonstrate that you have what it takes to do right by your children, which includes putting your animosity for one another aside for their sake. This effort does not mean that you have to be great pals or even that you need to speak directly to one another, but it does require you to maintain your composure when you’re together.

The more directly you communicate with one another, the more opportunities there are for problems to arise.

Knowing Your Limits

Some couples who are facing child custody cases have no problem keeping things on an even keel as they move through the process, and that’s great. However, if you don’t happen to be one of these couples, it’s a good idea to put some effort into limiting the risk that things will become dramatic in court – or even out in the world, which the court can find out about.

Often, parents naively think that they won’t have any trouble communicating with an ex directly – only to be quickly proven wrong. The emotional consequences of a custody case are enormous, and it can be difficult or even impossible to know what might set you off. Just remember that all of this is perfectly normal.

Making it your policy to keep all communications with your children’s other parent to electronic forms can help in all the following ways:

  • It comes with a built-in reminder to keep things civil – these messages can come back to haunt your case.

  • It gives both sides a physical record of your communications, which can prove invaluable as your case proceeds.

  • It can take a good deal of pressure off you. You’re going through a challenging legal case, and you shouldn’t expect perfection of yourself.

When it comes to your children, you and their other parent share an endless supply of memories that are overlaid by emotions, which is the perfect setup for escalation. Sticking to electronic communication will ultimately save everyone a lot of heartache.

Another tool at your disposal when trying to keep things civil is your Round Rock child custody attorney. He or she is a skilled negotiator who is well prepared to handle any issues with heated communications.

Clear Communication Benefits Everyone

In order to be an effective co-parent, you must communicate clearly with your ex – it’s fundamental to the task. Being an effective co-parent translates to doing what’s right for your children, which – in turn – makes it right for you.

Children are better served when there are no impediments to their relationships with either parent, and if there is friction regarding how you communicate with your ex, it puts your children in a more difficult position.

Ideally, you and your ex should be able to speak calmly and openly with one another every time you meet, and if you’re confident that you’ve reached this goal, you won’t need to limit your verbal exchanges during your child custody case. However, if you don’t have this kind of confidence, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

The good news is that you can communicate very effectively through written means, and just because you’re not at the point where you can have a friendly conversation over a cup of coffee with your ex doesn’t mean that you won’t ever get there. Time really does have a way of healing all wounds, and you may find that your relationship with your ex strengthens over time.

Be Careful about Social Media

Many of us have become comfortable venting about everything that rubs us the wrong way on social media. If you’ve got a child custody case pending, however, now is a good time to halt this practice – at least until your case is resolved – keeping in mind that everything you post, regardless of your privacy settings, is basically up for public consumption and is forever.

Anything you post on social media could make its way into your case, and if this happens, it’s unlikely to work in your favor.

Additionally, it’s a good idea to avoid your ex’s online presence. You might be surprised by how quickly your blood can boil in response to a poorly considered post by your ex, and if you choose to respond, things could get even uglier.

Finally, anything you post on social media relevant to your case now could easily get back to your children at some point, and because they’re likely to find it painful, it’s a practice you shouldn’t indulge in.

Texas courts are looking for parents to be mature, deal rationally, and focus clearly on the best interests of their children. Turning to social media to start a fight, intensify a fight, or air your dirty laundry accomplishes none of these goals and should be avoided at all costs.

Consult with a child custody lawyer to learn about more ways you can protect your custody case.

Steady as She Goes

You are only human – a work in progress – and you are going through an exceptionally challenging experience, which means you’re going to have some ups and downs. Keep the following important points in mind as you proceed:

  • Child custody disputes are hard on children, and you want to do everything you can to lessen their pain.

  • The court wants to see your commitment to effective co-parenting, which supports your children’s best interests.

  • An important component of effective co-parenting is clear communication.

  • If you’re not entirely sure that you can keep your cool in the face of whatever your ex throws your way, it’s better to err on the side of caution.

  • There are many ways to communicate well, and if you’re not confident that you can mind your p’s and q’s when it comes to your ex, it’s perfectly acceptable to limit your back-and-forth with your ex to written forms. In fact, the court may applaud your insight.

  • You’re on a co-parenting journey, and while you may not be ready to communicate with your ex face-to-face at the moment, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never get there.

  • Even if you and your children’s other parent never mend the rift between you, your heartfelt efforts to do what’s right for your children are a testament to your unwavering commitment to what’s best for them.

Your case will be unique to your circumstances, and your seasoned divorce attorney will help you make the right decisions for you – in protection of your parental rights and in pursuit of favorable terms – throughout the legal process.

An Experienced Round Rock Child Custody Attorney Has the Legal Skill to Help

Brett Pritchard at the Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is a knowledgeable Round Rock child custody attorney who will unleash the full force of his decades of experience in his determination to obtain an optimal outcome for you.

Your parental rights are of primary concern, so please don’t wait to reach out and contact us online or call us at (254) 781-4222 to schedule a FREE consultation and learn more today.

Related Reading

Related Posts
  • If Your Ex Is the Fun Parent Read More
  • Handling Co-Parenting with a Narcissist Read More
  • 7 Things You May Not Know About Child Support in Texas Read More