Be the Best Co-Parent You Can Be

If you share children with your ex, you undoubtedly know how important you both are to them, and you likely recognize that putting effort into effective co-parenting is the right thing to do for your kids.

Getting to the point that you feel like you have the hang of effective co-parenting, however, can be a struggle, and if you’re facing a child custody case in the process, such as if your divorce isn’t finalized yet or if you need a child custody modification, it can be that much more challenging.

Fortunately, there are some tried-and-true guidelines that can help you hone your co-parenting skills. And when it comes to that child custody case or child custody modification, having an experienced Round Rock child custody attorney in your corner is always well advised.

Making Co-Parenting Work Helps Everyone

Texas courts base their child custody determinations on the best interests of the children, and the belief that guides them is that children are nearly universally better off when they continue to have strong, loving relationships with both parents.

As such, Texas courts usually hand down parenting time schedules that afford each parent ample time with the children – even if one parent takes on the primary custodial role. Some of the best-interest factors that Texas courts consider when determining parenting time include all the following:

The children’s needs
Each parent’s ability to meet these needs
Each parent’s level of commitment to effective co-parenting
Each parent’s level of commitment to supporting the other’s relationship with the children
Each parent’s degree of involvement with parenting the children to date

A Shared Responsibility

Texas courts consider effective co-parenting the overall goal because it bolsters children’s happiness, emotional well-being, and developmental growth. Effective co-parenting, however, also benefits the parents.

To begin, co-parenting signifies teamwork, which means there are two of you facing the nearly insurmountable amount of work that goes hand in hand with parenting. By pulling together in this way, you share the weight of raising your children, which comes with emotional benefits for each of you and also helps loosen the many parenting-related time constraints you face.

Your Relationship with Your Ex

Regardless of how acrimonious your divorce and how raw your feelings toward your ex are at this moment, the bottom line is that you are permanently intertwined through your children. There are many occasions that are going to bring you together in the future, including events like the following:

Your children’s sporting events and shows
School activities, including proms and homecomings
Graduations
Weddings
The birth of grandchildren

This list could go on and on. And the degree to which you’re able to put your animosity toward your ex behind you – regardless of their own desire to participate in your ceasefire – the more you honor your children, which is always the right thing to do.

When you do what it takes to be an effective co-parent, you help repair the relationship between you and your ex, and while this doesn’t necessarily mean perfection, it does mean progress.

Case Outcomes

Finally, when you are genuinely committed to effective co-parenting, you demonstrate to the court that you put your children’s best interests first. And this can be directly reflected in your child custody orders.

Ultimately, effective co-parenting helps the adults and the children, and it could help keep you out of court in those situations in which strong differences of opinion arise.

Successful Co-Parenting Doesn’t Look the Same for Everyone

Just like no two families are carbon copies of one another – no matter what bill of goods television shows try to sell us – successful co-parenting doesn’t mean the same thing for every divorced couple. The truth is that you and your ex may never be best buddies, and you don’t need to be.

At Its Heart

The crux of effective co-parenting is that both parents are committed to supporting their children’s best interests, and it’s difficult to find a parent who doesn’t share this goal.

While you may not enjoy your ex’s company and you may prefer not to communicate with them directly, it can help to remember that you are both on the same side when it comes to your children, and this can go a long way toward supporting your co-parenting efforts.

What Co-Parenting Looks Like for You

If you and your ex are able to present a united front and appear friendly doing it, you’re ahead of the game, and if you actually are friendly, you’ve earned bragging rights. You should know, however, that none of this is a prerequisite of successful co-parenting.

As long as you and your ex have a mode of communication that you’re willing to dedicate to co-parenting purposes, you’ve got the tools you need to make it work for you. And if communicating in person or on the phone is out of the question, you can stick to electronic communications, such as texts, emails, or the messaging systems in co-parenting apps.

What Your Children Need from You

The aftermath of a divorce or child custody case can leave you in a state of turmoil, and you need to take the steps necessary to take care of yourself. In the process, however, it’s important to focus on what your children need during this difficult time and to allow this to guide your co-parenting efforts. The basics include all the following:

Your children need to feel confident and secure about you and their other parent’s love for them, which helps them to adjust more easily to all the changes they’re facing and bolsters their self-esteem.
Your children benefit from consistency, and when you and your ex are on the same page and are both committed to employing similar limits and rules – without excessive restrictions – in both homes, you help reinforce this.
Conflict in your children’s lives can translate to increased anxiety and symptoms of depression, which is an excellent reason for reducing the conflict between you and your ex. Even if this means co-parenting from a distance and making it your policy never to badmouth one another in front of the kids, you’re moving in the right direction.
Your children need to learn how to solve problems of their own, and watching you put a heroic amount of effort into your own problem solving – in relation to co-parenting – can inspire them.

When your actions demonstrate to your children that relationships are worth the effort and that they don’t have to be perfect to be rewarding, you provide them with a strong foundation for building healthy relationships of their own.

Steps You Can Take

Your own journey toward effective co-parenting will chart its own course, but there are several steps you can take to help you get there, including:

Separate Your Own Feelings from Your Co-Parenting

Set your own anger and emotional pain aside while you focus on teaming up with your ex as co-parents. And remember that seeking the support you deserve doesn’t have to be put on a back burner – but should be addressed outside the realm of co-parenting.

Focus on Your Actions

Separate your feelings from your actions. Your children don’t need to experience every feeling you have right along with you, and they shouldn’t. Your actions speak volumes, and when you focus on doing the right thing for your children, you become a more effective co-parent.

Put Your Children’s Needs First

Stay focused on your children. Remember that divorce can be hardest on children because they don’t have the maturity to process their pain and to put matters into realistic perspective, which makes keeping your focus squarely on them key.

Don’t Put Your Children in the Middle

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it many times – you shouldn’t put your children in the middle when it comes to your divorce or to your lingering hard feelings about your ex.

This includes not sharing the ugly details with your children, not communicating with your ex through your children, and generally keeping your children out of the mix to the best of your ability. Co-parenting is your time to put your best foot forward.

Improve Communications between You and Your Ex

Even if you and your ex are communicating strictly through electronic means at this point, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to improve communications between you over time. Take the steps you can to pave the way toward more open communications as you go.

For example, using a friendly tone – rather than a stuffy or overly formal tone – in your electronic communications can help blur the edges, and if you’re up to extending an olive branch, it could lead to big change.

The trick is knowing when the time is right, which makes it important to read the climate of your relationship with your ex before you make a move. It’s also important to remember that there is no perfect time and that, sometimes, it’s worth taking a chance. While there’s always the risk that your offer will be rebuffed, it doesn’t alter the fact that you tried.

Remember that You’re on the Same Side

While you and your ex very likely have your differences – and you may have plenty – when it comes to your children, you share the same goals, and that is supporting their health, well-being, and happiness. Keeping this in mind as you move forward can make a big difference in how effective you are as co-parents.

Steps you can take to help further bolster your relationship with your ex – if not for yourselves then for your children – include all the following:

Keep your tone as friendly as you can and avoid sounding snooty or outright hostile. If a business tone is the best you can do, use that.
Instead of making demands or blanket statements, make inquiries and requests.
Listen to what your ex has to say, which demonstrates that you’re open to considering their views – even if you don’t ultimately agree.
Employ restraint instead of blowing up at the slightest provocation. If you get into a situation in which you feel like your ex is intentionally provoking you, take a break or simply walk away.
Communicate with your ex on a consistent basis, which will help you overcome your related anxiety and will improve your ability to communicate with one another effectively over time.
Keep your conversations focused on your children. There is no reason to take a stroll down memory lane and rehash old disagreements or reopen old wounds.
Stay calm in the moment. If your spouse is attempting to engage you in a battle, your neutral response can be disarming and may help you get back on track.
Ask your ex for their opinion. Parenting is challenging, and it’s not uncommon to face a crossroads at which you have no idea what the right decision is regarding your children. The only other person who knows them as well as you do and who is as invested in their well-being as you are is your ex, and having their opinion can mean a lot.

A final note about co-parenting, is that there is no such thing as perfect. Just as in parenting, you’re going for the best you can do, and when that is what guides you, you’ve found your stride.

Make the Call to an Experienced Round Rock Child Custody Attorney Today

Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is a formidable Round Rock child custody attorney with a wealth of experience helping clients like you successfully navigate rocky child custody terrain, keep their rights intact, and effectively co-parent well.

Learn more by contacting or calling us at 254-781-4222 and scheduling a free consultation today.