No two marriages are exactly alike, and the same is true of divorces. When a couple ends their marriage, they do so for reasons that are unique to them. However, there are specific warning signs that are closely associated with divorce, and knowing them in advance can help you protect your own union – or can help you determine if it really is time to call it quits.
If you are considering a divorce or are already facing one, it’s time to consult with an experienced Round Rock divorce attorney.
If You Keep Coming Back to Money
Many credible sources cite financial problems as a leading cause of divorce. This doesn’t necessarily mean having too little money but can, instead, relate to having different financial priorities or different spending styles. Having considerable debt can also drive a serious wedge between spouses.
Money Problems
If the strife in your relationship tends to focus on money, it’s time to pay attention. Our finances represent our ability to support ourselves and our children, which makes them of primary importance. Many of us also have an emotional attachment to money, which can make disagreements about our family’s finances that much more challenging.
Budgeting
The good news is that, while money can be a touchy topic, help is available. Sometimes, all it takes is sitting down together and hammering out a budget that makes sense for your family, which can help establish a financial foundation to build upon.
If your financial problems go deeper than this, consulting with a financial professional could help you directly address and overcome the financial issues that you and your spouse are facing.
Trouble Communicating
It’s important to recognize that, sometimes, money is symbolic of other kinds of problems. While most couples occasionally come up against money-related concerns, the root cause of endless disputes about money may not have much to do with finances at all.
In other words, fights about money can mask the fact that the real problem has more to do with your ability to effectively communicate with one another.
If Communications between the Two of You Have Broken Down
Every relationship is predicated on communication. While you may have no problem communicating clearly and effectively with your boss, your neighbors, or your friends, it can be a different matter when it comes to your significant other.
As a married couple, you’ve been through a range of transitions – which can include moving, changing jobs, buying a home, having children, experiencing emotional ups and downs, and beyond. In the process, you may have grown much closer to one another or you may have hit roadblocks that make open communication that much more challenging.
If you’re having trouble effectively communicating with your spouse, it can manifest as arguments, conflicts, and misunderstandings that tend to escalate, but that’s not the end of the matter. Each of the following can be a sign that you and your spouse are facing communication problems:
Either of you tends to ice the other out, such as by giving them the silent treatment.
You simply tiptoe around difficult topics with one another.
You remain focused on your phones – or on any other distraction – when you’re in each other’s company.
Each of you tends to ignore what the other has to say.
There is a lot of eye-rolling going on.
If you feel unheard, devalued, or ignored in your marriage, it’s a serious problem. If you’re both invested in saving your marriage, a skilled marriage counselor could help. If, on the other hand, your spouse is not interested in seriously addressing your concerns, it may be time to consult with a seasoned divorce lawyer.
If You’re Growing Apart
When you first married, you and your spouse may have happily done just about everything together, but relationships naturally evolve over time. There is no requirement that married couples must enjoy doing exactly the same things or that they must want to spend every waking moment together.
In fact, too much togetherness is sometimes a red flag in its own right, but if you sense a growing distance between yourself and your spouse, you shouldn’t ignore the issue. Sometimes, all it takes to get back on the right track is having some together time, but in other situations, the problem can go much deeper.
For example, when you’re facing a crisis of any kind, do you naturally reach out to your spouse – or is there someone else whom you consider more supportive? If your spouse isn’t even in the running, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship.
Other signs that you may be growing apart as a couple include:
You rarely think about your spouse when you’re not together during the day, and they seem to reciprocate.
You rarely do the little extras for one another that tend to make marriage more rewarding, such as doing things that lighten the other’s load.
You’re not inclined to go out of your way for one another.
Neither of you prioritizes spending time with the other.
You’re both more likely to go your own way when you have free time.
You don’t feel as connected to your spouse as you once did.
You feel more like a parenting tag team than a married couple.
Experiencing some of these from time to time throughout your marriage is to be expected, but if several apply and have been plaguing you for a while now, simply hoping that they’ll go away isn’t likely to fix the problem.
Infidelity Has Reared Its Ugly Head
Many marriages become irretrievably broken after one spouse has an affair. Marriage is based on trust, and there is no denying that infidelity is a betrayal that packs a serious punch. This said, many couples overcome infidelity and come back stronger than ever. Whether your spouse’s infidelity destroys your marriage or not depends on a wide range of factors.
Rebuilding a marriage after it’s been rocked by an affair requires a serious level of commitment from both spouses. If you’re all in but your spouse is less interested, it’s a pretty good sign that cutting your losses may be in order.
Trust Is Generally Lacking
While infidelity is a trust issue, there is a lot more to the matter than that. If you don’t trust your spouse to have your back, to put you first, and to consider your happiness and well-being in relation to their actions and decisions, it can leave you feeling extremely lonely.
Marriage is a partnership, and if your spouse is focused solely on themself, you’re probably giving a lot more than you’re getting.
In a strong marriage, each spouse is committed to bolstering the other. If your spouse leaves you doubting their motives, it can erode the trust that your marriage is based upon. If your ability to trust your spouse is fading, you should consider it a warning sign.
If There Is Constant Conflict in Your Home
Every married couple experiences occasional conflict, but if conflict has become the norm in your relationship, it’s a more serious concern. If you get the sense that your spouse is starting fights on purpose, it could be a sign that something else is going on, such as an affair, money problems, depression, or trouble at work.
When there is a problem at the root of the conflict you’re experiencing, you can focus on resolving the underlying issue. If, on the other hand, your relationship has simply deteriorated to the point that all you do is argue, the writing is on the wall.
Marital counseling could help you break the habits that got you where you currently find yourself, but if your spouse isn’t as committed as you are to making positive changes, it’s unlikely to be productive.
If Your Parenting Styles Differ Significantly
Children are an immense joy and an immense challenge, and if you and your spouse have vastly different parenting styles, it can lead to problems in your marriage. In fact, it’s a common concern. While you both almost certainly are committed to your children’s best interests, your ideas about what this entails can vary considerably.
Regardless of the kinds of differences involved, the greater the distance there is between your position and your spouse’s, the more likely you are to face problems. The fact that you are both motivated by what’s best for your children can help you bridge the gap, but if you can’t find a middle ground, the problem can be a more significant hurdle.
An important point to make here is that, if you can’t agree on parenting decisions while you’re married, you can expect even more serious child custody concerns post-divorce. Consulting with a professional in the field of child development could help you iron out some of your differences.
If Either of You Harbors Unrealistic Expectations
If you, your spouse, or both of you feel like your marriage isn’t living up to your expectations, it may be time to reevaluate your criteria. For example, the marriages that are showcased on social media are designed to look perfect, to excite interest, and to make other people’s relationships come up short in comparison.
These relationships are also highly curated for better viewing. Recalibrating your expectations could change your perspective regarding your own marriage considerably.
You should also keep in mind that all relationships, including marriages, require effort. If one or both of you aren’t putting in the necessary work, your marriage is likely to show signs of wear and tear. And if it gets to the point that the amount of effort required to keep your marriage afloat is more than you or your spouse is willing to give, it may be time to consider divorce.
If Your Spouse Has Mental Health Concerns
If your spouse suffers from addiction, depression, or another mental health condition, it can directly impact your marriage. Standing by your spouse in their time of need can make a serious difference in their ability to cope with the related stressors and to participate in your marriage more fully.
For this to happen, however, your spouse will need to take ownership of their problems and take the steps necessary to address them. While you shouldn’t expect perfection, you should be looking for authentic effort that speaks to your spouse’s commitment to their own mental health and to your marriage.
Only You Know What’s Right for You
Only you can decide if a divorce is right for you, but an accomplished Round Rock divorce attorney can provide you with a better understanding of what divorce is likely to mean in your situation.
The fact is that you may have your sights set on divorce even if you’re experiencing none of the warning signs discussed here, or you may be battling several of these concerns but still be bound and determined to save your marriage. You didn’t enter marriage lightly, and you should afford divorce the same consideration.
Generally, when both spouses are interested in working on their marriage, they’re better positioned to turn things around – as opposed to those couples who are not on the same page, such as when one spouse is all in while the other is indifferent or already has one foot out the door. There are, however, also exceptions to the rule.
An Experienced Round Rock Divorce Lawyer Is Standing By to Help
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is a practiced Round Rock divorce attorney who appreciates how challenging it can be to face divorce head-on, and he’s committed to helping you make the right choices for you – given your unique situation and where you’re at in the decision-making process.
While only you know what’s best for you and your children, we can help smooth the way forward, and we welcome the opportunity to do so. Learn more by contacting or calling us at 254-781-4222 and scheduling a free consultation today.